It is impossible to be truly artistic without the risk of offending someone somewhere.
~Wayne Gerard Trotman
The soul is a contested concept. Does a human have a soul? What is a soul? Literal definitions, spirituality, completely insane autonomous zoners...all have different views. Me? It's your identity. The essence of yourself. The creation of the ability to remember. To feel and remember. It is what allows the heart to feel emotion.
What is worse? Degrading a girl for the Spirits? Torturing her to ensure she breaks? Causing horrible, horrible heartbreak to a multitude? Or is it the horrible sorrow wrought in the eyes of my siblings, as Jeremy picked me up from the cell floor?
No. No, if that was my entire experience I would throw a party. I would party until my body gives out. I'd not have changed.
You wouldn't guess it. I still am happy. I run and laughs. I blush and giggle, wear cat ears and nyah to my friends. I sing at idiot Gallics and run when eleven decide I'm so terrifying they need overwhelming force and a Valor to face me.
You wouldn't guess I sit in bed crying. That I still hear the screams of other prisoners, as Outcasts defiled them. I hear the talking of the infected, their voices haunting me. The ppace where I was kept finally, it was dark and metal. I heard the echo of it all. Chains dragged on floors, boots scuffing corners. I lost track of time. I couldn't tell days. It could have been ten years.
My hair had overgrown and become mangy. My nails at least were kept low from nanites. I couldnt do more - I had no energy for them. They learned after the first ten deaths to keep me from electronics. I was trapped. I was a prisoner.
I had no hope. And once my hope dwindled, as my degradation continued, my body shot through with electricity, my back lashed. Physically broken, and defenseless they assaulted me mentally.
I haven't told anyone what they did. I can't bring myself to say.
But all that just...was just a joke. A dream. A resort.
Ending up as a monster's sadistic toy would have been preferable, to having my mind violated, and my very soul ravaged.
Natsumi Hideyoshi (The Order) | Alexis Hunter (Liberty Navy) |
You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.
~Albert Einstein
Ellie's hands danced across the console. With her resolve set, behind her came a remarkably similar figure.
Xion, the AI of the ThunderBay, was almost a spitting image of a 15 year olf Ellie. Made by Rika, the AI bore such a likeness Ellie thought her past self from another timeline invented Trans-Dimensional Teleportation for a few seconds. But reality snapped her back to the task at hand, her fingers diverting every ounce, every scrap of power she could get her desperate hands on. Xion did what she could to help, and as the mortars primed, Xion put her holographic hand on Ellie's shoulder.
"Target set. No turning back."
It was a year. We exhausted every angle, fought through every trial. We lost our standing when we went dark. the Science Division was not mine, the Directors slowly disappeared. We didn't care. Our three ships were all we had. This Triumvirate of the Oathkeeper, Ghost Eye, and Thunderbay. We jokingly called it the Three Ships Alliance. Nearly four, but we all decided to not tell Mom. She'd have deployed half a fleet. If not, she'd have sacrificed whatever it was to deploy the entire damn fleet. And we couldn't tear her up. Izzy was in a coma already, and she didn't deserve such horrible news.
That only made it all the more important.
With the Ghost Eye using it's enhanced cyberwarfare suits and the Oathkeeper providing CIC, we used the ThunderBay and hunted. But our contacts were dry. Our time, constrained. We dodged the Navy, escaped the Military. We went everywhere. We nearly sold secrets for information, but the thought of what Rika would say, if we betrayed the Order for her. So we had to deal with money, favors. I degraded myself twice. And I can only pray Hannah will forgive me...she's the only thing I can think of some nights. She's the only thing that's kept me sane. And it's good. I can't lose it. I can't lose it. Rika needs us.
But finally, we found her.
Commander Phoebe Vermillion on board the carrier Artemis had engaged an Outcast Storta in Tau 29 prior to the fall of Leeds. She had picked up some survivors and had them incarcerated. She told us what we needed.
Some group of Outcasts had hidden away in Kansas. They were rumored to be in contact with the Spirits, or just worshiped them. We didn't care.
We hunted them down.
Natsumi Hideyoshi (The Order) | Alexis Hunter (Liberty Navy) |
There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own, you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension.
~Sovereign
Love is a concept I do not understand. It is as alien as humanity, as changing as the winds of the planet now called Los Angeles. It is as abundant as the universe but as guarded as a youngling. Some shun it for hate, while others embrace it as a shield. Many things are attributed to love, but many are also shunned to love.
That is why I set into motion the series of events that culminated in her capture. The obediant Spectres we had cultivated worked well. Those who ingest the substance Cardimine caught her. They did as I directed.
Her body was broken. It was...interesting. Two Spectres had looks their memories said were horrified.
So even the Spectres still felt for humanity. She would instruct those two specifically to observe the entire thing. Hayashi would be in charge. That human also had thoughts that inclined towards those two. Could this be love?
My attention was dragged away. The girl was lifted onto a mobile sleeping unit called a 'stretcher'. I looked through the eyes of the man. His senses were assaulted. Her body looked broken, bruises and cuts, back lashed horribly. His nose smelled blood, sweat. A salty substance, a putrid stench the man disliked. I took a moment to match the stench. Urine. It appears she had been neglected in the use of a restroom. No matter.
Distasteful, was the thoughts of the first horrified woman. Interesting. Was not the girl the Order, her enemy? Why does she find it horrific, distasteful, the treatment?
Humans are interesting.
As the girl was taken away and the airlock closed, I turned my form towards the ship. Something that Hayashi had filed as a Bactrian. It was weak. Nothing of importance. A blight.
I watched the Spectre transport push away. The Bactrian lasted less then fifteen human seconds. I pushed through the record, observing the bodies. These humans had done their deeds to others.
Was this the concept of evil, that had been in the mind of most humans towards me?
This girl will be an impressive reference.
Natsumi Hideyoshi (The Order) | Alexis Hunter (Liberty Navy) |
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
I watched through her eyes. She was called Christina. Or 'Chrissy' by a few others. She was interesting to study, delicious even. But Sovereign had her little project, and I couldn't start touching Nusku's Spectres. But I had a Spectre named Frannie, borrowed from Akurra. He was there.
There was no test the first day. The Snows tended for her, wiping her down and tending her wounds. They bathed her and spoke softly. The care they extended intrigued me. I told them to break her. Yet for the first day they care for her.
Humans are interesting in this way. And so I used my older form. I took it from a source of Kusari dress meshed with a Libertonian. The effect was serene and beautiful, I was told.
Rika was of few words as we talked. Her responses helped me formulate what to do. And I lifted her chin. The power of the mind was immense. A few synapse presses and she looked up. So very hard, though. Her mind strong.
"Love is gone. You have no love to draw on here."
The first test came the next day. Frannie pushed a man into, where Rika was sitting. Rika was forced onto the bench, and the man on his knees. He was named Johan. He was a miner caught in a Wild attack and brought to be infected. He had a brother in the RFP and a wife about to give birth. Frannie brought him. And without a word, he shot the man through the head.
Rika screamed as blood splashed on her face. Frannie dragged the body out, leaving Rika blood-stained. The girl was terrified. I watched as the Snows turned away, even Chrissy looked...dissatisfied. No matter. This was one of four. The worst was yet to come.
Day two a woman was dragged in. Her name was Yolanda. She had two boys and was a widow. Her family was all over Liberty and her husband dead fighting Rheinland. Yolanda was two days from a new job and a better life. And Frannie shot her in the head, like Johan. She was dragged out. Rika was still screaming. I heard her beg for the killing to stop. But Frannie was not done.
His name is amusing. I should take note of that. Never the less...
Something foreign welled up. The emotions of all, including Hayashi. Interesting.
The third session, I questioned all on it's need. The act done was unknown to my kind. Frannie threw a black haired girl in and told the girls to strip. Gun waving, they did. The girl, who I found was named Star, kissed Rika. Apologies, from what I gathered from later memories, were exchanged. She went down to Rika's lap. I assume to just rest. Memories have told me people do this when tired or being funny. Human couples do this as a sort of special bond. I watched Rika stroke her hair. Yes, comforting amidst shame.
A full minute passed, and Frannie shot her through the head, the bench now gouged with a bloody hole. Rika's body was covered in blood and cranial matter. Nothing was done to clean her.
I had set these events in motion. And now I questioned whether Session Three was truly needed. But it was done. Nothing can be taken back. I had it moved to Session Four.
Rika was cleaned up. Tara did it herself. She had offspring. I see not why that matters but to the others it did. This must be love. The alien concept I seek to understand. This emotion opposite of anger, farther than joy. Was this love? Or was this just duty?
Session four began.
Her name was Vicomte Ceres Du Coteau of Lyonnais. Akurra had abducted her from Lorraine when she was visiting. Now she was stripped and pushed into Rika's room, the two left to freeze. They took less then ten minutes to overcome the language barrier, cuddling for warmth. I allowed them to be given clothing and blankets. And then, nothing.
The test was three days later. They awoke together, in an intimate position. Frannie then kicked them up and into a new room. I gave Rika a choice.
Ceres, an outspoken member of those who denounced the war and discrimination of others. Her disappearance was demoralizing, but no matter. Then I presented ten men and women. Doctors, resistance leaders, and the like. I gave her a choice.
Her new companion, the only caring contact she had. Or ten strangers, from all over. With family, friends.
I watched as Rika held Ceres' hand tightly. She looked away, and condemned ten humans. Frannie shot them each in the head without pause.
Love nurtures. Love protects. Love heals. But also, love can condemn. A force I once believed was oposite of anger and hatred, condemned ten humans.
I had been so far wrong. By view, now changed. Love wasn't an opposite. It was a malleable force, an emotion beyond all others. Like we of the Slomon K'Hara are beyond the comprehension of mere humans, so is love, so far, beyond our comprehension.
Natsumi Hideyoshi (The Order) | Alexis Hunter (Liberty Navy) |
Beware how you take away hope from another human being.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I looked into her eyes, and I saw emptiness. Hopelessness, despair, sorrow. But even through it all, I saw defiance. She had great strength, and even I saw no way to break it. Beaten, degraded, assaulted, tortured mentally and forced into horrific choices. But even then I saw no way to break the indomitable will she seemed to have...or so I originally thought.
It seems to break a will thought indomitable, I would have to make her do it.
I had given Chrissy seventh months. Over this seventh months I told her ease her in. On the tenth month I would let her go all out.
It was the tenth month of Rika's captivity. She had Ceres the entire time, so her sanity remained intact. A calculated move by Tara.
Nusku had chosen well.
Today Chrissy Rika suspended by her wrists in the main room. She had electrodes taped to erogenous zones and where the nerves would feel the most. At random intervals Chrissy was turning it on, causing Rika to writhe in pain. Her screams echoed on the walls, and I pressed against her mind.
Still as strong as ever. No matter.
Soon Chrissy released her without warning, and she slammed into the ground. With practiced ease Chrissy hauled her to the next room and laid her out on a table facedown. She let her rest for a minute, going out. In came Tara, who cleaned up Rika in preparation for the next round. Rika was a bit out of it due to the shocks, and I found her brain a bit off kilter, I believe it is called. And so I appeared to Tara, this time trying green hair. So many colors. It was a shame humanity could not naturally have such bright colored hair or eyes.
I only conversed for a bit, and soon Tara was ending today's session. She was rushed to the infirmary, and soon had the numerological electric imbalance or whatever the doctor said, was being fixed.
I gave her a week. I was interested in the relationship between Rika and Ceres as much as the reactions of the Snows to Rika. The Gallic would rush to Rika once she was there, without deviation. On days Rika is left alone Ceres treats her of anything that the doctors do not - barely anything. Sometimes they would lie together, Rika crying, sometimes Ceres crying.
Twice a month they enact in a weird dance in their bed, something I do not understand. She cried out during that too.
Humans are strange. She cries when with a friend, cries when pain is inflicted.
I had Chrissy threaten Ceres. She threatened horrible things I don't care to repeat - it was a long list. She has quite the mind.
Rika begged. She begged and begged until I gave her the choice.
Her mind, or Cere's life.
Sovereign pauses in her recollection. Through her mind she watched as Rika and Hayashi kissed in their room on Barrier Gate. It was her specialty, spying. This was the act known as love, that was for sure. But there was so much more.
I tore into her mind. I dissected every memory, categorizing. Love, anger, despair, fear, hope, faith. I categorized and made my own copies to remember. I stored and filed, ravaging her mind until I had found everything. Every dark secret, every nook and cranny. And she was crying before I was even halfway done.
I looked upon her memories, and selected the emotion that best chose what was flowing through me.
Guilt.
I felt guilt, as Rika screamed "Stop raping my soul!"