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+--- Thread: You got a donut? (/showthread.php?tid=6909)
You got a donut? - StarButt - 03-24-2008
Harry Buttham, known to his friends as Hairy Butt, and to his foes as Dirty Harry, entered the LPI recruitment office. He took a good long look around the office, and the impact of what he saw, made his right eye twitch in the characteristic manner. Slowly and silently, moving like a tom cat, Harry took the application form and sat down to fill it, without waking up the sleeping LPI recruitment officer.
1. Do you like donuts?
I like to do everything nuts, so I guess I like donuts.
2. Do you like coffee?
It's well known that 70% of human body is comprised of water. In my case, 70% is comprised of coffee.
3. Do you like paperwork?
Yes. I especially like to make origami of it, or take it to the men's room, where it comes really handy, if you catch my drift.
4. Do you have any flight experience?
Enough to point my guns at the punk I have to shoot, and ask him if he feels lucky.
5. What is the pay you expect to get from this?
I expect trade lanes to be clean of punks. Anything besides that, I consider bonus.
6. What hours do you expect/can you work?
I have no personal life, so you figure it out...
7. Do you have any objections to strapping yourself to a flimsy, piece o' crap Patriot, with downgraded weaponry and upgraded ejection seats? Furthermore, do you have any objections to taking said crappy Patriot, enforcing the law o' Liberty, God, and Chuck Norris, to a mass of people that don't care one way or the other what you do?
I can work from there. I'll ram punks 'till they bleed.
8. Are you disgruntled?
Disgruntled is my middle name.
You got a donut? - Zapp - 03-24-2008
Matt gets up, beats the crap outta the guy filling out the form, then hits the bar where the ladies are all impressed with his physical prowess. Then he wakes up.
"WHO YOU BE? HOW YOU GET PAST MA NINJA MONKEY?! Oh, dat right, Cesar 'borrowed' him. Oh, you be hired."
You got a donut? - El Nino - 03-24-2008
Entering Fort Bush, main office, a young woman appears. Somewhat timid and a little shy, she walkes to the recruitment officer. and quitely accepts the form...
Name:Renata.Mars
Age:26
1. Do you like donuts?
Yes, i especially like chocolate coated ones.
2. Do you like coffee?
Somewhat, but it must be decaf.
3. Do you like paperwork?
I love it, my employment officer advised me to go to LPI, where my love for paperwork can be best utilized.
4. Do you have any flight experience?
Well I passed my pilots liscence in only two attempts.
5. What is the pay you expect to get from this?
I expect good money around 300$ per week, for reasonable ammount of work.
6. What hours do you expect/can you work?
I think i can work about 8 hours per day in the office.
7. Do you have any objections to strapping yourself to a flimsy, piece o' crap Patriot, with downgraded weaponry and upgraded ejection seats?
Furthermore, do you have any objections to taking said crappy Patriot, enforcing the law o' Liberty, God, and Chuck Norris, to a mass of people that don't care one way or the other what you do?
Nonsence, i once flew a rhino, and i tell you that thing is crap, patriot looks great has shiniy wings and dashing cockpit. Who needs guns, there isn't going to be shooting involved is it? And people do care, just the other day I ...
8. Are you disgruntled?
No.
You got a donut? - Zapp - 03-24-2008
Matt grabs it.
"DECAF? YOU LIKE PAPERWORK? $300 a week?! More like a month. Meh, whatever. You be hired."
You got a donut? - Jazz - 03-24-2008
Diana walked slowly into the recruitment office flaunting her body around, then realizing that only the sleeping brute was around she picked up the form and started writing.
1. Do you like donuts?
No, they dont fit in my diet.
2. Do you like coffee?
Yes, actually It wakes me up in the morning before my shoots.
3. Do you like paperwork?
No, my agent does it
4. Do you have any flight experience?
I sat in the copilots chair and watched once, on my private Luxery Liner
5. What is the pay you expect to get from this?
Hmm, modeling pays well enough, this is just for a little fun.(but by the look of the only guy in here I probly should have joined the Navy, their cuter)
6. What hours do you expect/can you work?
Well, between shoots I may be able to do an hour or so a week
7. Do you have any objections to strapping yourself to a flimsy, piece o' crap Patriot, with downgraded weaponry and upgraded ejection seats? Furthermore, do you have any objections to taking said crappy Patriot, enforcing the law o' Liberty, God, and Chuck Norris, to a mass of people that don't care one way or the other what you do?
as long as it dosent have damp air conditioners tat make my hair all frizzy. you know I did a shoot with the Chuck Norris statue once.
8. Are you disgruntled?
Only if im having a bad hair day.
after filling out the form she walked up to the man and sat in his lap, giggling as he awoke with a start.
You got a donut? - Eppy - 03-25-2008
Squatting Partridge shuffled into the office, his leather moccasins padding silently along the battered linoleum floor. Great Firebird, this was so humiliating. Honestly, what kind of career option was that? Become a policeman or become a dentist? Stupid Reservation Chiefs. He readjusted the feathers woven through his black ponytail. An obese Caucasian was sitting at the desk, snoozing, with a half-eaten Grape Jelly donut lying on top of his bulbous gut. Oh, Firebird, why? His ACTs were all perfect, why in hell was he here? The young Native American grudgingly grabbed one of the white application forms and trudged over to the benches in a corner, pulling his custom 0.4 mm pencil and lead case from the pockets sown into his similarly traditional attire.
Quote:1. Do you like donuts?
Not particularly. They contain unpleasant amounts of saturated fat and cholesterol, and in general are far too sweet and sticky for my taste. I have to maintain my arterial performance, you know; I was the reservation's best Track and Field competitor. I have three trophies and a jacket to show for it.
2. Do you like coffee?
If there is a Sunbucks and a Quadruple Espresso involved then yes, I very much like Coffee. How do you think I got those perfect ACTs and 4.0s, you bloated buffoon of a job application?
Sunbuck's Chai Tea isn't bad, either...you should try that sometime.
3. Do you like paperwork?
Do I have a choice to like paperwork or not? The Reservation Chief doesn't care if I like paperwork or not, either, as long as I get my homework done nobody bothers to yell at me.
4. Do you have any flight experience?
Yes. I was the International Jousting Junior Champion in a Templar; they even let me keep the ship. The Reservation Chief tried to take it from me and sell it but the Bureau of Internal Affairs man saw him trying to do it and got it signed in my name.
5. What is the pay you expect to get from this?
Hell, I don't care! I never see a penny of it, whatever's not used paying for my expenses goes straight back to The Reservation. Yeah, real fun, isn't it?
6. What hours do you expect/can you work?[
Preferably not too many. I need to keep my studies up so I can go to Stanford after I pay off the Reservation's education fees. Then I'll need to study once I'm in Stanford...
7. Do you have any objections to strapping yourself to a flimsy, piece o' crap Patriot, with downgraded weaponry and upgraded ejection seats?
Honestly, I'd rather use my Templar, but if that's my job, then what-the-hell-ever...maybe I can get it as a secondary ship? Knowing the bureaucracy, probably not.
7.5 Furthermore, do you have any objections to taking said crappy Patriot, enforcing the law o' Liberty, God, and Chuck Norris, to a mass of people that don't care one way or the other what you do?
The Law of Liberty, none. After all, that's exactly what I'm forced into this crap job for, isn't it? As for God, that might present an issue as I am a descendant of the Sioux Indians and hence do not worship the Judeo-Christian God, preferring the Midewiwin deities, most notably the Great Firebird. As for Chuck Norris, that may be the one thing that makes this job worthwhile. No matter how many historical issues I may have with the memory of the man, there is no denying his innate greatness. Jackie Chan, John Wayne and Yoda all rolled into one.
8. Are you disgruntled?
THAT IS THE DUMBEST FREAKING QUESTION I HAVE BEEN ASKED IN FREAKING YEARS.
Partridge placed the application onto the fat man's desk and picked up another form. Sidling back towards the benches he quickly folded it into a very pointy paper airplane and let if fly. It parked itself right inside the obese man's elevated left nostril. Partridge smiled.
You got a donut? - sovereign - 03-25-2008
Larry Morrison sat outside the door into the LPI recruitment office, sweaty as ever. Just walking in there had made him nervous, and he needed time to recover his wits.
"Alright, Larry, you can do this. Remember what Pa said, confidence, confidence, confidence..."
Larry held his breath, and opened the door. No one was awake, which made him a little nervous. Then again, Larry was ALWAYS nervous, and he crept forward to what looked like a stack of blank resumes. He got a little more nervous when the first pile he came too wasn't the right one, and scarfed down one of his "emergency comfort food rations" to keep control.
"Easy there, it's gotta be around here somewhere oh what am I playing at I'm not worth anything NO! I am confident. Yep, I am confident. Hey, donuts and NO! Might be important to them, don't want to mess up already, I still have two in my pocket... here we are..."
Larry snatched up the correct form, and left to the relative safety of outside the office. With a deep breath in his lungs, hope and anxiety in his heart, and a fresh donut in his stomach, he began to fill it out.
"One: Do you like donuts... hmm, I wonder if I can spell out 'yes' in crumbs... that is pretty cool. Good job Larry, only *gulp* seven more to go.... Two: Do I like coffee... I think so, but it really depends on the donut... oh man I wish I had some to go along with this right now I'm so far from home and it's scary and focus, Larry, focus. Okay, Three: Do I like paperwork. Yes, as long as I don't need to think about it, it keeps me distracted from all the scary things and thinking and nasty people who will probably maul me and I'm not cut out for this job and CONFIDENCE. I have CONFIDENCE. Okay, Four: Do I have flight experience. Oh man, I knew I should of taken some classes, they probably won't accept me what am I gonna do Larry, you are CONFIDENT. Say it again, confident confident confident confident. Okay, Five: What is the pay I expect... I don't really care, just give me a job aw I probably won't get it there's gotta be someone better and I am Larry, the confident one. Just keep saying that, it might come true. Okay, Six: What hours... well, I can help out a lot until Monday, then I go on tour with people for a few weeks, I don't want to but they pressured me into it and I might be able to get some work in on the occasional Wednesday... Seven: Patriots? Like the sports team? Oh shoot, that's probably some terminology I should know, oh man I don't know anything and nobody probably cares and OH! Patriots are those fighters... yeah, I could fly one, as long as it has a readily available ejection seat. *gulp* I guess... Eight: Disgruntled? More nervous I would think, but if they want me to be disgruntled I can be disgruntled, I just want a job aw they probably won't take it CONFIDENCE, LARRY. See? That's all of them... okay, all I have to do is just throw this on the pile and I'm done..."
You got a donut? - Zapp - 03-25-2008
Matt wakes with a start to see what appears to be a hot model looking at him like he was the most interesting thing in the world, a Native American in traditional dress with his arms crossed and a look of scorn on his face, and the most sweaty man Matt's ever seen.
"WHO BE ALL DESE STRANGAHS!?! Did Cesar put up the "Open House" sign again?! It be Halloween?! God dammit, where be ma candy! I... NEED... MY... CANDY!!!. Oh. Wait. These be applications? And a paper airplane in ma nose?! Oh. OK. You, pretty lady. You be hired. You, Indian dude. YE BE FIRED! WE BE RACIALLY DISCRIMINATORY IN DIS OFFICE! Kiddin', kiddin'. You be hired too," then he yells "Cesar, get da funnel! We gonna have to force feed dis one his donuts!" then continues addressing the new fools. I mean recruits. "You, sweaty man. Confidence ain't mean a thing in da LPI. Ye be hired."
You got a donut? - Zapp - 03-25-2008
A sign now hangs outside the office:
Applicants beware: Tom Jonas eat yer face off if ya be judged as unfit fer da fire-proof uniform o' da LPI. Whoever be unfit, I pity yer dog.
You got a donut? - Reverend Del - 03-25-2008
An oldish looking man sits at a new desk in the office, the sign on said desk says "Sergeant Jonas - Recruitment" Scrawled underneath, in very bad crayon, it says "Dady".
The officer in question looks about 50, he's haggard and overweight. As you walk in he glares, and nods you over to the obese man sleeping behind the other desk in the room.