Spoiler Alert: I'm not royalty. Most of my titles center on words like "persona non gratta," but I AM a pope, which is like a mix between a king and a bishop, so as long as we stick to the white squares and move diagonally, we should be ok.

Anyhoo, I was flying through Cortez after a rather tense situation in Baffin ended with one of your subjects, Cerveau, scattered across several astronomical bodies. I ran into your other remaining Royalist pilot, Fleur-Audefroi, who asked me to pledge my loyalty to good King Charles. And I thought, what luck! The Frenchies have a new monarch! My condolences on your father/uncle/grandfather (lines of succession get confusing when an empire collapses), but seeing as that Charles was a royal jerkface and genocidal madman (and trust me, I know madness), I was pleased to hear he's been replaced by a good Charles! Had I known, I would have sent some Blue Jillies your way. Good for all occasions, you know.

In any event, since you must be new to all this, I wanted to clarify that Baffin is a No Fire Zone. Your pilot must have missed all the signs we put up, which is a shame since we spent a lot of time and many boxes of crayons making them (the 64 pack! With a sharpener in the back!). This means that if you have a disagreement in the system, the only shots involved in resolving it should be taken on the bar on Shasta. My colleagues recommend that the loser pay for the drinks. And the cleanup. Discordian mixers can get very interesting, but you should be ok if you put a small paper umbrella in the drink. Those usually protect against most things involving what can charitably be described as a "splash zone."

I'd translate this into French to ensure that you get the message, but since my native English edges on patent nonsense, I wouldn't trust myself in another language. Plus, the butcher said he was all out when I asked him about another tongue. Pity. I hope this letter clears up the matter so nothing happens to your remaining pilot. You might consider rekindling any Gaian contacts you have if they're looking for security. They're used to protecting endangered species.