Formatting is important but at the top of the list is making the story flow, for example you wrote:
Quote:Max climbed on his Liberator, and sat at the helm.
His helmet connected to the ship, and the ship's HUD appeared before his eyes.
He was pondering about how advanced humanity has managed to become as he was slowly making his way out of the atmosphere, towards dark space.
This doesn't flow at all, there is no real information there to get people interested and the character is simply thrown in without any form of introduction. You've got to get your reader interested before you do anything and the first thing you must describe is the world. You need to think of a story like a journey with a blind person.
I'll demonstrate.
"The New York system...The centre of Liberty and Sirius too if the politicitions could have their way with it, don't get me started with those suit-wearing morons. Every day it's the same old nonsense, "Come visit Manhattan, the cultural centre of the galaxy." Strange there's no mention of the drug dealing, the piracy, the murder, the roaring trade in artefacts but hey that'd be telling the truth, foreign ground for the blue-bloods.
My name's Max, and it's my job to make sure those nasty little truths are kept from the headlines. It's not glamorous but hell, a guy's gotta eat."
Or
"The sun had just risen over Manhattan's famous skyline and already the city was teeming with life. Transports swooped back and forth filled to the brim with commuters trying avoiding the grosely over-crowded morning trains. The city streets which had enjoyed a few hours of peace were suddenly swamped with thousands of vehicles trying to force their way through the tidal wave of activity.
High above the clatter in a barely functioning hanger, a young pilot was making his way down a familar corridor.
"All the modern tech in the galaxy and we still can't manage to keep the walls clean." He mused, removing his grim coated glove from the passage wall.
Just ahead he could see the wing tip of his trusty Liberator gently bobbing up and down as the old grav lift struggled to do it's job.
"Ready for a hard day's work darlin'?" He asked his ship, patting her hull as he climbed in. The canopy closed above him as he settled in to the chair "I'll take that as a yes. Ok Joe" he called to the dock operater "give me some sunlight."
The hanger door slid open bathing the ship and her pilot in a dazzling orange hue "Good luck Max." Joe replied, throwing a thumbs up to the now darkened canopy and with a flare of thrusters the Liberator rocketted towards the fresh morning sun."
Two versions of exactly what's happening in your first paragraph, one first person narrative, one third person narrative. Notice how easily both seem to flow without giving too much information? That allows the reader to put themselves into the story even if it's something small like how Manhattan looks or what makes it the cultural centre of the galaxy. The same applies when describing a character, give the reader enough pieces and they'll fill in the gaps themselves.
Keep practicing, maybe read a few books to get the idea but for the love of everything, stay away from films and TV.
![[Image: Narcotic.gif]](http://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/Narcotic.gif)