Natalie stayed silent for some minutes, it looked like the things Greenson had said really had a huge impact on her, in fact, it more looked like Natalie was trying to hide. At one point she even began to shiver a bit. 'Defending...myself.' She then whispered and sounded quite scared but also different than before. 'I don't know. It's something I can't remember, but I know that I'm afraid of it. Sometimes...I have this terrifying feeling which makes me want to just run away from everything.'
Silence followed again, in which Natalie only stared at the ceiling. 'Alycia...she's been there for years and tried to protect me from...something or somebody. I really can't remember what it was. But the things I've heard about her...that was strange, it's not the Alycia I used to know, it's...somebody else. It's so confusing.' She closed her eyes, one could see that she was trying to suppress tears. 'It's getting too much, I'm close to just giving up. I tried so much in the past, but everything failed, everything was destroyed...'
"It's not always rational, is it... Fear of this, fear of that, fear of nothing in particular, but just fear all the same. I'm terrified of my toaster at home suddenly and for no good reason bursting into flame and burning down my house while I sleep... But getting shot at by raging outcasts doesn't even cause me to bat an eyelid these days. Fear isn't something that makes sense."
She paused
"So you say 'Alycia' was different in the past? In what way was she different?"
Jasmine stopped talking, obviously deep in thought about something, an idea forming in her mind. She looked at Natalie, frowning slightly, and waited for her to respond.
'She was a wonderful person...' Natalie said with a smile. 'I can only remember few parts of my past, I know that I was alone. Nobody was there to help me, not even my own mother...' She sighed and stayed silent for a moment. Talking about the past was something she never liked, even though she could only remember few parts of it, but those parts were enough to make her sad.
'But she was there for me. Alycia...she was there and listened to me. She was my family, the only one I ever had.' Natalie smiled again. 'That's my Alycia. Totally different than...the other one.' The smile suddenly vanished. 'The one who's at fault for destroying my life.'
"I think that maybe trying to place blame on any part of your history isn't the best approach to dealing with this. "
Jasmine paused for a moment, thinking.
"That's something that can't really be changed, but your way of looking at it, and your way of viewing yourself... That can have an effect on now... And the future/"
Jasmine's face showed a little confusion, as if she was unsure about whether she was about to say the right thing.
"Alycia is part of yourself. Everyone has irrational, angry or even murderous thoughts that just get tempered and mellowed by the other elements of their personality. Everyone needs that internal dialogue to moderate their thoughts, one line of thinking stops you from being a doormat to be walked on, and the other stops you from beng irrationally angry, or acting in a way that just isn't acceptable. Maybe when there stopped being something tangible to protect you from, that element of your mind just didn't want to be left out in the cold, so started getting a bit more... Extreme in its actions."
She frowned a little, thinking.
"When did 'Alycia' change, and what was happening in your life at the time? Maybe working that out can help you understand what's happening a little better."
'I don't think she has changed at all. Yes, I believe that I'm only here thanks to her, it was her only chance to protect me.' Natalie said. 'I hate talking about it, but I guess I have to. Remembering all these frustrating memories again, I just can't avoid it.' Were Natalie's thoughts.
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