BBC News: Corsair Advance Blunted (Again)

[Thunderer]

OMEGA-3 SYSTEM - On yesterday's galactic evening, the residents of Planet Sprague received alarming orders to stay in their houses. Our fellow citizens were not ordered so by our Armed Forces, but by a Corsair warlord, known as "el Comisario". A Corsair fleet, containing three whole battleships, appeared at Planet Sprague soon, with the intention to bomb those same houses, as they said, for the purpose of terrorism. There were at least two Gaian ships supporting them, whose pilots, despite being Bretonian, did not mind murdering Bretonian civilians at all. They were intending to participate in this fratricidal "mischief" that would also seriously endanger Sprague's ecosystem.

Our fleet at the site was formed around the Thunderer, our only battleship, housing the commander in chief of the fleet, Admiral Sir George Richard Hall. Despite the numerical disadvantage, our lads stood their ground and returned fire as soon as they were fired upon. A Gaian fighter was the first ship to be shot down. Against all odds, one of the Corsair battleships even started receiving damage, while ours still held the shield up. But to no avail. The enemy had caddishly brought a repair ship with them, and every damage our brave chaps would inflict, was quickly repaired. But that did not break them either. Instead, our light wing, generously supported by a populous Auxesian one, swooped directly at it, and within seconds the repair ship was no more. At the same time the HMS Enterprise, another battleship, arrived from Cambridge, and bolstered our defenses as well as the lads' morale. Having no one to repair it, the damage on the Corsair battleships started becoming more and more visible.

This is where the tide of battle started to turn. Seeing its escorts fall to Auxesian professional skills and sophisticated technology one by one, and its own hull in vandal disorder, the Corsair battleship named CNS Nutella turned away and fled the scene, which triggered the general rout of what Corsair forces remained. In the disarray, our battleships were able to catch an enemy one called CNS Ludicolo, and breach what little armour was still holding on its rivets. It appeared the Gallic ailment of the heart had spread among the Corsairs too, but then the remaining battleship of theirs, called the CNS Petra, proved this wrong in the general sense, and attempted to halt our lads' advance. They were, however, isolated and alone, and even the sudden dash of courage did not save them. Or a dash of stupidity.

A stupidly fortunate occurrence was that the Corsairs did not use their superiority in numbers at the start to bomb Sprague at all, instead focusing them at our hardy lads, probably guided by the famous Corsair saying: "If you can do it today, do it tomorrow." We destroyed their fleet yesterday. If their mothers knew what they were sending their sons into, they would have mourned on time, but we are sure that they are doing so today, while we are celebrating, because that is all they can do now. The best we can do is show mercy. The question is, should we?

Our forces pursuing the routing Corsairs.
Footage taken by a drone from the HMS Thunderer.

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ADD YOUR CONTRIBUTION: Were you on Sprague during the battle? Or did you, perhaps, even have the honour to participate? Have you recorded the hungry Corsairs getting their dish served to themselves? If so, please submit your video material to show us how spectacular it is.

Alternately, to speak to a BBC journalist regarding a potential story, please contact us directly at haveyoursay@bbc.co.br

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[Spectre]

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Comm ID]: William Reginald Sutton III
Receiver ID]: --
Location]: H.M.S. Northumberland, Cambridge System

Encryption]: Medium
Priority]: Medium

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Well, blimey.

Good to hear another glorious win for the chaps and lads. A dongin' shame I couldn't assist, but I suppose the sheer thick-headedness of the 'sairy knobs would've just absorbed the energy. Glad to hear that the Admiral and what lads attended gave them a solid Bretonian what-for!

Without our lads, and the blessed help from our friends in Auxesia, I fear this victory would be a distant dream. However, we are blessed with lads and allies with more than just a stiff upper lip. They've got full on underbites blockin' the savage arms of the mingy knobs, and for that I give them a firm raise of the tea cup!

This one's to you, brave lads and ladies! The spirit of Bretonia, the Queen and our blessed tea goes with you all!

William Reginald Sutton III
Commander
Bretonian Armed Forces

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