The Temporary Autonomous Zoners welcome you to the first transmission of Kallisti Vee, a Temporary Autonomous Broadcast.
In this broadcast you will find news about the Temporary Autonomous Zoners, Baffin, the war against the Curse of Greyface, the Chao Rally and also a space to observe to the rites and holy days of the Church of Eris Esoteric: Discordianism... Oh and also a plethora of inside jokes.
We will be taking calls from the audience, so please feel free to use this channel to reach us out with whatever nonsense you think is important enough to force everyone tuned in to suffer it. We answer to all calls!
Dr. Van Van Mojo Second Apostle of Eris Patron of the Season of Discord
Kallisti!
As you probably still don't know, Discoflux is the holyday of of the season of Discord. It is celebrated on Discord 50 (Discordian calendar) or May 3 (Sirian calendar). As the Patron of the Season of Discord, it is my duty now to read what the scriptures say about Discoflux:
The Principia Discordia doesn’t indicate what to do, but do something that promotes Discord, or maybe Disco.
Dress as you would to go to a disco sometime in the 1950s through 1970s, imagine you’re the Disco King or Queen (or both), then begin dancing to the music in your head. Pretend the discotheque is at your local market, a playground, or in front of a house of worship. Leave before the police arrive. If one shows up before you depart, tell the officer, “Love the threads. Wanna boogie?” If the officer declines the invitation, apologize profusely for your mistake and claim you forgot to take your medication.
Better yet, forget the whole thing.
Original text from Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht
Once upon a time
Somewhere in the ocean
There lived a fish
The king of the fish
The king of the fish was not happy
He wanted to be more than just to be the king of the fish
He wanted to be king of the whole ocean
He wanted power over the whales and porpoises, giant sea tortoises, mollusks, crustaceans, and all the underwater plant life
And, he wanted to own all the salt in the ocean
He was a big fat pig of a fish
His greed angered the ocean, but the ocean knew the fish would never succeed
Then, the fish learned to walk on the land
He stood upon the shore and laughed at the ocean
He climbed trees and learned the secret of fire
He took a job as a investment banker, and spent a lot of time at the racetrack, playing the ponies
The ocean swore revenge
Then one day, the fish was vacationing on the planet Curacao, sunbathing on the beach, laughing at the ocean
A giant wave came and swallowed the little fish up, and he drowned
This is the fable of the fish that played the ponies
It is important to keep in mind that in this story, the fish is not meant to symbolize Eris
Dr. Van Van Mojo Second Apostle of Eris Patron of the Season of Discord
Kallisti!
I come here today, blinded with grief, as I sadly have to inform the loss of 200 lives at the construction site of the Temporary Autonomous Republic of Fernando Poo. With great effort our popes and popesses started developing a settlement in Tau 29, only to be silenced forever by a particularly vicious fragment of the Outcasts. They came in numbers and with huge firepower. One can only try to imagine where this empoverished nation finds resources to risk an open attack inside a Zoner No Fire Zone. This will probably have repercussions Sirius wide.
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