TO: TAZ Members | FROM: Jonathan.Seabourne23@LibertyOnline.com

[Jonathan Seabourne]

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☆ From: Jonathan.Seabourne23@libertyonline.com

☆ To: TAZ Members

☆ Subject: Theory on Irritable Gaul Syndrome (IGS)

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Ladies, Gentlemen, and/or all/none of the above,

Recently the remnents of Gallic Royalists have been causing a rukus (and NOT the fun kind) for our dear Baffin. I have come to the conclusion that the only logical explanation for these Irritable Gauls is also the most obvious: They are time travelles from our past. To lay out my case, I present the following arguments in reverse-Skittles order:

Contention Strawberry: Time travel is impossible, but just because it can't happen doesn't mean it doesn't happen. One of the theories of the origins of the sacred tome was that its author was actually a time travelling anthropologist from the future. Seeing as the Pricipia speaks with authority on its nonsense, anything it openly questions must be the truth.

Contention Orange (MOST IMPORTANT!): The belligerent Frenchies are convinced their king is still alive. This was true in the past, not true today, possibly true in the future (I'll let you know when I get there. Note to future me: don't forget this! Also find a can opener for the peaches! THEIR INSOLANCE WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED). Therefore the present is the only time they couldn't possibly be from.

Contention Green Apple: Having conclusively proven the Royalists hail from the future or past, I conclude the past is more likely. After all, the time Traveler from the future gave us the Principia Discordia in the hopes of building constructive disorder. By the inverse (converse?) of the Law of Negative Reversal, a force that promotes destructive order must hail from the past.

Contention Lemon: This is the weakest of the Skittle flavors. If anyone wants my lemons, please send a pre-addressed stamped envelope to this address and I will be happy to send them along.

Contention Grape: These souls are out of time and are to be pitied. Perhaps the Goddess will, in her infinite indifference, allow them to return to their point in the timeline to smooth things out. Or maybe they have been sent to stir the pot and see what comes to the surface. In any event, knowing their motivations are a question of when rather than what will hopefully facilitate greater discourse and allow a return of civility and degeneracy to return to our fair system.

Sincerely,
Jonathan (Titles???)

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[Gypsie Skripto]

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ID: Dr. Van Van Mojo, Second Apostle of Eris and Patron of the Sesason of Discord

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Location: The Persephone, Baffin

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Encryption: Medium

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Kallisti!

I don't believe w've had the pleasure Acolyte Seabourne. I'm Dr. Van Van Mojo, etc.

I have heard of such happenings. They are called role playing games. They can be of intimate nature or played as a means of socialization. I'm sorry but I've only heard bad things... Those who defend them say every tribe has "that dude". Seems a bunch of those "that dude"s forgot it was a game and went triggerhappy. Happens in the best families, so I wouldn't worry much. But do not, I repeat do not accept money from these people. It's a pyramid scheme.

Yours in Eris,

Dr. Van Van Mojo
Second Apostle of Eris and Patron of the Season of Discord

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[realekki]

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ID: Waldemar Vorderkeerke

subject: theory

Location: somwhere inbetween

Encryption: psycho Level: logical

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Kallisti,

both of you a right and totaly wrong. after some indeep lecture the diagnosis is pretty clear: IDIOTS short term for internaldestructiveillnessofthinkinkstructure. its a long word therefore the short term exists. anyways. eris invented this for people who belive to know what they understand or even worse who think they know and understand. good news its noncontagious. healing process take a loooooong time and its best to react with love and ignorance when come across those people.

hope that helps.

23's
Waldemar Vorderkeerke, fomerly known as someone else (pontifical ambassador)

[Shamus 2.0]

Shamus2.0'Shawnessy


May I say, I had a bout of IGS a couple of weeks ago, and they definitely caused a ruckus in my rumpus with their gummy worms, and I can attest it was, in fact, kind of not fun.

Far, far more importantly however, I'm curious: I've heard that there used to be things known as envelopes in the ancient worlds, but I'm confused. Should I address them as animal, vegetable or mineral? I'm completely ignorant of envelope society and would like to be educated on the proper nomenclature before I speak to one of their ilk.

Another thing: If the envelope needs to be pre-addressed as you say, do they address themselves prior to arriving into the here and now, or should I interfere with the space-time continuum and attempt time travel myself to give them pointers on what to say when the time finally comes to say it?

This is important.

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