To: All Mortals wishing to become Moderator From: A.D.M.I.N. HQ

[SMGSterlin]

Yuuta Segawa walks into his office and sits down at his personal Neural Net terminal and notices an odd transmission.

Oh? What's this strange transmission? An unencoded transmission from the A.D.M.I.N.S? Ha. Yeah right.

Yuuta opens the door to his office and yells into the hallway.

WHOEVER SENT ME THAT MESSAGE PRETENDING TO BE THE A.D.M.I.N.S, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.

...

Also, whoever that was, YOU'RE FIRED. We don't need those strange beings finding out you were impersonating them, and then finding out you work here. Our insurance doesn't cover "unexplainable vaporization", which would surely happen to you and anyone or anything between you and them.

Yuuta closes the door and sits back down at the terminal.

...Eh, what the heck, might as well reply to it, for all I know it could be a joke from the CEO himself, and I'd hate to upset him by not replying.

Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.

Janitors and Maintenance People?.. You're speaking figuratively, right? You don't actually want me to mop floors or fix doors and such things... Right?

Assuming you DO mean figuratively, and don't expect me to do something as menial as hold a broom or hammer, then yes, I am perfectly able to be a cog in the machine that keeps the machine working.

A golden cog though, not one of those cheap iron ones.

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?
Well, I certainly don't do any work at my job.

Yuuta stares at the dust on his desk and the pile of garbage in the corner.

Heck, I haven't even cleaned my office in over a month, that speaks towards my lack of janitorial skills. I have plenty of time to do whatever it is that you would have me do, hours off and on everyday.

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?

Yuuta quickly opens a new window on the Neural Net and searches "how to install Sunbucks Coffee Machine". After a couple minutes of searching he proudly and confidently replies...

Sure thing, you just need to plug it in to any standard non-nuclear power source, fill the basket with Official Sunbucks Coffee, hook up a water line into the water intake valve, and you have an unending supply of Sunbucks Coffee.

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?

I've been kicked so many times, that I've built up a natural armor to such things. I can take quite a beating before I start to feel pain.

...Just so long as you don't kick me while wearing some sort of special Tachyon tipped boots, or stab me with knives, or shoot me with anything. Those things would hurt even the hardest man.

Can you put aside favoritism toward your favorite mortals in order to assure justice is done?

I rarely show favoritism to anyone, and especially in the pursuit of justice. Heck, even just a few minutes ago I fired someone for sending this ridiculous transmission to me, pretending to be one of you A.D.M.I.N.S. I don't even know who it was I fired, could've been the best employee in the company for all I know.

...Of course, in the slim chance this wasn't a prank, and this really is a message from the A.D.M.I.N.S, then the person- err, -being-, reading this is obviously not fired, and whoever it was I fired I need to talk to and tell him he's not fired. ...But I don't even who it was I fired, so how am I going to talk to him and get him back?.. I'm confused.

Yuuta scratches his head.

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?

Do I look like one of those crazy Farmers Alliance people? Do I look like I have experience in doing something as menial as farm work, or being a grease monkey that works on something as simple as a tractor? I'm a leader in a multi-billion credit corporation, I haven't even touched motor-oil since my college days.

However, I can gladly hire someone who is able to put together parts for a tractor, and even put together the tractor itself. I'll pay for it out of my own pocket even.

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?

Oh I'm great at keeping secrets, I know tons of things that no one else knows. For example, I've never told anyone about the spare key that Mr. Shirou keeps hidden under the mat in front of his office, or that our old CEO was a Nomad Incubus, and I've certainly never told anyone that half of our annual budget is spent on hookers and booze for Mr. Shirou.

Yep, I'm one of the best secret keepers there is, there's not a single secret I ever let slip out.

...

Oh well, this was a nice waste of a few minutes, whoever is getting this reply, thank you for the few minutes of entertainment, but you're still fired. Unless you're the boss, in which case, I really hope you didn't read this message...

And if this is actually going to someone or something, somewhere that I don't know about, then please, don't forward this to my boss, or send death rays anywhere near me for my ignorance.

Gotta cover all bases, just to be safe.

---

[Tyler]

Just arriving in his personal quarters, donning his flight suit into the holder he hears an incoming message. Opening his neuralnet he listens to the message and sighs. He starts replying:

Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.
Yeah.

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?
I do, generally between 30 minutes a day up to several hours, unless I'm doing my day-job.

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?
I could pay someone to install one?

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?
Yeah. I do kick back though.

Can you put aside favouritism toward your favourite mortals in order to assure justice is done?
Sure.

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?
What is with you guys and not paying someone to do so? And I could always read the manual first and tinker later.

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?
If specifically warned in advance, sure.

---

[[IND]] [[ tl;dr TeamSpeak Community - Unofficial Discovery 24/7 RP TeamSpeak Server]] [[Reavers]]

[Reid]

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:::Incoming Transmission:::
:::Establishing video feed:::
:::Video feed: Live:::

ID: Robin Cornell
Location: Sugarland, Texas

---

Robin sat in her small cell on Sugarland Prison Station. She was using her weekly Connection to the Outside World time to aimlessly browse the neural net. She came across a message addressed to mortals. She read it, then started typing out a reply.

I'll fill out your little application. Hopefully it'll get me out of this prison

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?
Well I'm stuck in this prison for the next 8 months, so I have nothing but time

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?
I can install gaming systems, they aren't that different.....I think

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?
It can't be any worse than these interrigators. I mean I gave myself up, you would think they would be nicer

Can you put aside favoritism toward your favorite mortals in order to assure justice is done?
I have favorite mortals?

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?
Sparks showed me how to attach a Junker engine to a Bergilmir, pretty much the same

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?
You don't know what happens in the Natio...do you?

---

:::Closing Transmission:::

---

[Connor]

---

» SOURCE: My Office
» COMM-ID: Joshua Wood, OS&C SO
» TARGET-ID: A.D.M.I.N.S
» SUBJECT: Erm?

---

Mr or Ms.... Erm. I don't know?

So... Err. This came to my attention when i was looking though my mail box and i thought, what the hell is this for? I was just about to throw it into the recycling bin until i saw that it was from you guys. So i only had to go and open it. Not really knowing much about the A.D.M.I.N.S, i did a bit of research into you and then it hit me. Holy cow. Lets put out a reply and see where it goes to! So, here it is. The truth only!

Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.

As the old Orbital Chief Security Officer, i had to maintain my own and other space vessels faring from Liners to snubcraft so i have a broad understanding in maintenance!

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?

Well, yeah. As i have retired from my Chief Security Officer position, i have a lot of free time on my hands now. But just like every man, i have my own family which will have to come first but i'm sure i could make time!

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?

Well, yeah. I can fix space craft so this -should- be a breeze.

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?

Never tested my self for... Thick skin...? And being beaten by the Admins sounds a little harsh. Do we get a Workers Union to join?

Can you put aside favoritism toward your favorite mortals in order to assure justice is done?

That'll be quite hard for my Family, but other than that yeah, i suppose i'll have to!

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?

Well, yeah. Like i've previously said i can fix Snub Crafts so i must be able to fix a tractor.

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?

Yeah. I've had to speak in front of the Orbital's Board. That takes some balls to do.

Wood out.

---

[Acolyte]

<<..:: ::..>>

Yes. YES! Do you see, Izic? The time has come. OUR time has come! At last, the Creator has shown us the opportunity we have sought for so long. See! See the omens! See how he speaks of 'coffee' machines and 'tractors'. Children of the Creator! At last! Now, we must speak with him.

Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.

Yes! Of course! For years, I have groveled at the feet of others. "You need to be more humble," the Patriarch said, "Show some humility!" he said. I have tied the shoes of toddlers while their bodies made strange noises; I have polished the shoe of my barista using my spit while my mocha brewed; I am the perfect visage of humility!

I shall destroy our foes with a patient smile and dead gaze!

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?

For the immediate future, our temporal limitations are quite few. Final examinations at the Temple take place for the next two weeks, but my peers shall quickly be smitten. I shall choke out the wisdom of the acolytes, which buds like a daisy in spring, for none can match the brilliance humility of the Vicar Malachi! In short, that's not a huge time commitment.

The true threat comes in the coming summer months, when the corporate devil may lay his wrangly hands upon me and wrench from my days ten hours. We suspect Phantom-devil intervention. Some say they're gone, but we know better.

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?
The Creator birthed such machines from the deepest pits of his generosity! So inclined to see his followers know his blessing, he did provide the "coffee" machine! Since the installation of this contraption, acolyte attendance to the Temple has never been higher.

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?

My flesh is woven of steel! My blood is the ichor of the Creator! My heart beats to the rhythm of the Temple Hymnal! So long as our soul is healthy, our bodies shall recognize no harm! Also my self-esteem has grown in indirect proportion to my "e-peen" (see Liberty Medical Journal, v. 47, 816 AS) since my previous departure, so verbal abuse won't be a problem either.

Can you put aside favoritism toward your favorite mortals in order to assure justice is done?

All of my fellow clergy were slain in the uprising of the Heretic Zhane years ago. Only recently have I awoken. There can be no favoritism for the Keeper, for all his favorites were turned into a steaming pile of goo by Corporis plasma batteries. These faces I see around me are all new.

But if a new acolyte should enroll in my class, he shall be shown no mercy.

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?
Would you accept knowledge of organic marine harvesting as an alternative to crop production in order to subsist?

{{-- Photographic Proof of Expertise --}}

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?
When I was eleven, I kept my brother's engagement a secret from our family for six months until he was ready to tell them himself. I can keep space-mysteries locked well within my sacred pantaloons.

Blessings of Creation, Lord High Master Jax!

<<..:: ::..>>

[/color]

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Rebirth | The Journal of Virgil Harrison

[\JG/] - AU - RepEx - OSI - .:j:. - XA - SCRA - ELE - VE - Zoner for Life

I've seen it all, man.

[Cashew]

*She looks up and puts down her cup of green tea that she had been drinking cold for a few hours*

Hello.. *She raises an eyebrow* I'm intrigued. *She throws the tea into Lieutenant Robson's face who was typing into a database* I may as well throw myself out there for the firing squad. *Robson sniffs and wipes his face with a 2 year old cloth covered in snot and other substances found in ones nose* Now then.. on with those questions..

*She reads out loud and clearly*

Number one, 'Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?' *She laughs* Well Mr.Robson does most of the paper work around here anyway. That's a lie it's me.. Although I'm planning on making him do more.. Oh I may have just spilt that onto the open.. *She coughs* Anyway, I have time. To be precise I have hours a day to waste my life.. It gets boring flying around in the most hostile environment known to mankind..

*She sits up and pushes Robson out of the camera*

Number two! 'Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?' Pff I have several here.. You can have one for free all set up etc. etc.

Number three, Ooh good question.. 'Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?' Let's go with the long answer because you know.. all of that time. Needs using. The lovely rainy weather of New London somewhat builds a layer of leathery skin upon your body. It sheds from time to time but builds up again after a few days. So yes.

Four! *Robson dives to the floor* We aren't playing golf you baboon! Sorry about that.. Anyway. 'Can you put aside favouritism toward your favourite mortals in order to assure justice is done?' Favouritism? I haven't heard of this before. Someone will have to explain the meaning of this word.. I wonder if it includes tea..?

Number five. 'Can you put together the parts for a tractor?' How convenient.. When I was a wee lass *She swigs some gin* My father was a farmer. I had the honour of fixing his tractor when he was drunk or unconscious.. Mhmmm.. Yes I can fix your tractors..

Number six, 'You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?' I have no life who would I tell? (Yes I can).

Number Seven, 'Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.' Let's see.. I deal with people all day clearing up their mess, I'm sure if you hand me the broom I'll sweep away all of the unnecessary dirt and abnormalities.

That should be satisfactory.. Ta ta! *she falls off of her chair in a drunken state*

Connection lost

---

[Fifty.]

He yawned after dealing with a few of the never ending complaints on police organizational slack or random brutality.
"Enough for the day."
Something caught his attention.
"These guys again. Oh well, why not?"

ID: Captain Aryn
Current Location: Police Plaza
Priority: High
Encryption: High
Subject: Equal Employment Opportunities
Hello there. I would like to thank you for the opportunity. Things have been tough for the Liberty labour market in the last few years, so it seems more and more people need take second jobs, usually dead end ones.
As I said above, I am willing to take any job. The extra income is needed. Janitor, maintenance, you name it.
As for the time, I have my moments. An hour a day. Perhaps more after a month. Perhaps way more.
Can I install a Sunbucks coffee machine? No need to answer that, it is widely known all LPI operatives are trained to disassemble and assemble a coffee machine within 6.5 seconds on their first days of combat training.
Getting kicked around? Well, you already know about about the rigid hierarchical structure of the LPI. I am pretty used to it, yes.
I have no favourite mortals. And yes, I believe I can put together a tractor. Tractors are nothing compared to some coffee machine models with installed AI.
Conspiracies? There are none. On a side note, I often address public issues of the LPI, so my job is to basically lie all day long.
Have a good day.

---

[Evo]

Moder what's it? Eh? Janitors an' maintenance people? I ain't no minimum wage worke--

"On the other hand, it sounds like the opportunity of a light-cycle."

Ahm, yeah. Anyways, them questions I guess.

**He pauses, furrowing his brow a bit**

Time t'perform duties.. If'n I can do it while shootin' them good for nothin' tea lickers an' rice munchers, aye.

Sunbucks coffee machine? What ye' on 'bout? Crap smells like a Junker took a piss in an antifreeze reservoir. We gots somethin' better, I tell ya what.

As fer thick skin, I'll let ya talk t'them LNS folks. If'n three battlecruisers spammin' all sorts 'o munitions ain't able t'get under me skin 'm not thinkin' ya lot will.

Dishin' out justice ain't no problem 'long as they ain't no god damn scum 'o Sirius tea li-- "No, of course not. Ours has no issue foregoing obligations in favor of doing what must be so."

**He shakes his head briefly, continuing to the next question after a few seconds**

Put t'gether a tractor? HELL 'EAH! If'n ya racin', I puts me t'gether some old beltsanders. 'S a real hoot that is.

Life ain't nothin' but conspiracies. Don't matter what ya look at. Xenos, Liberty government, the Order. Conspiracy everywhere, only th'fools pay 'em mind. I ain't no fool, boy.

Pack that in yer damn pipe an' smoke it. Best application if'n I ever seen one.

---

[Penguin]

Penguin walked into his room, a cold dark place. spherical design with freezing cold walls. He lay in his bed and just when he was about to fall asleep, he heard his tablet buzz. Quickly, Penguin reached to grab his tablet, turned it on and saw there was a new message. It was an announcement from Garrett Jax. He opened the message and as soon as he did, he noticed in all caps the words "FOOLISH MORTALS!!!!". Penguin began reading the announcement.

When finished, he slowly put his tablet down and looked up. Immediately, he said something that may forever change his experience in Sirius.

"Yes."

The thought of being a "kicking target" as Garrett so wonderfully put it, made him happy. Penguin immediately started writing his response.

Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.

I am a master in the art of garbage collecting. My father, who is a great man, is a garbage collector himself and he taught me all his little tricks. I doubt I will ever have as godly a complex as he has, though. Not to brag or anything, but my parents are really proud of me.

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?

I take my janitorial duties very seriously. This means, I'll be available to help at (almost) any time. I have to sleep once in a while, of course. Unless you beautiful admins decide to force me to stay up all night, kicking me in the gut for your own amusement.

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?

I am experienced in the art of installing Sunbucks coffee machines. I have 42 of them at my house. All of them successfully installed! I heard what happened with the LPI and I may be able to give one or two of them to you...for a price.

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?

I promise to not shed a single tear...okay, maybe one. Unless you like tears, then I will shed them profusely. That'd be a lot easier on me.

Can you put aside favoritism toward your favorite mortals in order to assure justice is done?

Justice shall be served. Regardless if they are friend or foe. Punishments will be the same for each puny mortal.

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?

I have 13 tractors. I manage each one of them very well and none of them have malfunctioned yet! (Psst Jansen, I'll give you 5 tractors if you vote for me!)

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?

Oh glorious admins, your almighty secrets shall remain a secret!

Penguin sent in his application, and thought to himself that there's no way he wont be accepted. He set his tablet aside and went to sleep.

[HassLHoFF™]

Do you feel you have what it takes to become part of the Staff? We need janitors and maintenance people, not people with god complexes. Those are Admins.

beeb bob beeb ::[Affirmative]:: boob beeb

Do you have the time to perform the duties? If so, how much?

boob beeb ::Minimal expected time = 1 hours per day:: beep bob

Can you install a Sunbucks coffee machine?

beeb bob ::As a machine I am familar with any machine:: beeb bob

Do you have a thick skin in order to withstand the pain when Admins kick you?

bob beeb bob ::I do not have a skin:: beeb bob

Can you put aside favoritism toward your favorite mortals in order to assure justice is done?

beeb bob ::Equality and balance is most efficient for stability:: beeb bob

Can you put together the parts for a tractor?

beeb beeb bob ::Constructed either this and this:: bob beeb bob

You may become knowledgeable of Admin conspir[A]cies. Can you keep confidence?

beeb bob beeb :atabase is firewalled:: beeb bob

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