SCRA Communications Centre

[Jeremy Hunter]

>>>INCOMING
>>>Sender: Provost Marshal Jacob Forge
>>>Location: CPW International
>>>Subject: Discipline

Forge here.

It seems that the Fighter Corps is lacking some discipline. So, I have decided to continue my predecessor's list.

91. Yes we lost the Krazniy Oktober. NO you cannot go hunting for it.
92. On pain of a trip to JiangXi you will not mention the rabbits.
93. I will not accuse every female -Kusari- officer of being Yue Fei.
94. I will also stop telling TALOS to self-terminate. Its not funny anymore.
95. Do not set Comrade-General Blackblood go "Spanish Mode". Bodily harm is not the fault of the Commissariat.
96. I will not bribe female officers to enact what would happend if Lieitenant Murray and Senior-Lieutenant Villers "got it on."
97. On that note, enacting it between Comrades McGreave and Murray is perfectly acceptable.
98. Yes, Jayce Brooks is a clone. But I will not clone thousands more and dress them up in identical white armor.
99. I will not ask that Viatcheslav be reprogramed to do the can-can.
100. The Order are nuetral to us; that said, it is unacceptable to put on special glasses to fake infection.
101. Sub-Lieutenant Uriah learned the hard way.
102. I will stop leaving a hammer and anvil next to the Provost Marshal's room, lest I become the next thing to be "forged".
103. Yes, Jeremy Hunter looks like a child. That in mind, it is perfectly acceptable to send him Halo Megablocks.
104. No, it is unacceptable to kidnap him and make him a Scout.
105. Yes, TALOS went on a murderous rampage. NO I will not rename TALOS to gLaDoS.
106. I will not paint the International yellow and sing "We all live in a Yellow Submarine."
107. Whoever did that to the Dongfeng will be shot.
108. Viva La Revolucion is an appropriate battlecry. Shouting THIS IS SPARTA is not.
109. We will not rename the Dongfeng the "Bongfeng."
110. Speaking of that, next person to ask if we can rename the Lithuania the Wolverine will be strapped to her main gun.
111. Yes, we have a Stormfall III. Next person to make me make a list will be assigned to it.
112. Advanced computers are not to be fitted to Storm class gunboats, two commodore 64s, a wrist watch and a piece of paper is all I need.
113. No playing Tetris on the Commodore 64s
114. No playing Tetris on the Commodore 64s while drinking Vodka and slaughtering Corsairs.
115. Comrade Claus may be addressed as Santa Claus on 364 days out of the year.
116. Christmas is not one of them.
117. The next person to call Major Xu Han Solo will be delivered to Major Xu in person.
118. Female officers will stop hitting on Comrade Shigemori. You're annoying him.
119. Also, Ketsu is not gay. He just would like a break from you people.
120. As for males, stop hitting on Comrade Ivanovici. One or two a day is fine. Half the Fighter Corps is just ridiculous.
121. Referring to Commandant Ling as "Ding-a-Ling-Ling" after playing a certain post apocalyptic video game is forbidden.
122. Next person to try and get Comrade Warner to do your homework will be thrown out the nearest airlock. Provided Comrade Warner doesnt shoot you first.
123. Comrade Brooks, despite being one of the most decorated in the Coalition, likes being a captain. Stop asking when he will be promoted.
124. Do not threaten the scouts. Their Dad can beat up your Dad.
125. If I hear someone ask if Yue Fei flew the Shenlong, I will have you shot.
126. No, I will not Forge you an axe. Stop asking god dammit. I said that before!
127. Stop asking to sit on Comrade Claus's knee to tell him what you want for christmas.
128. Yes we have a Storm named the Spearmint Rhino, no it is not a Strip Club.
129. Whoever told you is lieing.
130. The proper term for it is a "Gentlemens" club anyway.
131. Yes there really is vodka in every Insurgent.
132. Sorry, only the Provost Marshal and his superiors have the correct visas to access it.
133. The secret to the Coalition's Military Might is a closely guarded secret.
134. It's Vodka, by the way.
135. Next person to make me compile another list will be sent to Mendel.

In regards to Number 124, if the insulter is another Scout, the Scouts will then have a duel outside Zvezdney Gorodok.

Trusting you understand this.

Forge Out.

>>>END<<<

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May you ever walk in the Light, Shizune.