Holy Mother of Chaos! thought Mal to himself as he observed the entrance of the two "Doctors". Should I offer them beer, Sacrament or a gallon of "Ensure"...?
He could actually hear joints popping as the second "VanMojo" slowly assumed Za-Zen. Time to turn up the heat and loosen these geriatrics up a bit!
"Kallisti, Popes. Relax while the steam does its work, eh?"
He sprinkled a triple dose of Sacrament on the glowing Grandfather, and inhaled deeply. Might as well lighten the atmosphere as well...
"Now, as I understand it, one of you is an imposter. You have both come to me to arbitrate until we can decide in camera which of you is the "real" Dr. Van VanMojo.
"Once this thorny dilemma is resolved, as penance, you will both submit to two weeks at Geode center, for rejuvenation therapy and a healthy dose of 'Scrubby Tag' to tone up those flabby shells. Agreed?"
The two men nodded, reluctantly.
"Very well, then! Now, you will each have 5 minutes to present your case."
He pointed through the thickening steam to the first arrival, who had been referred to by the second arrival as 'Pasta Linguini' or some rubbish.
"Sir, you win the toss. Please tell us your story and defend your right to be the true Doctor VanMojo."