To: Miss Olga Drsnova and the generic Xi'an pilot

[arvg]

To: [color=#FFFFFF]The love sick puppy
Comm. ID: Commissar Leon Mendel
Priority: HIGH
Subject: Take a hint, when a woman says no it's usually because your yellow teeth put her off

---Communications Opened---

Hello Honey,

Nice of you to drop me a little love note, didn't know you cared. Why, were you a hundred pounds lighter, and perhaps applied a little clearasil... not to mention a little bob and tuck operation, why I might almost take you up on your little "Date."

We could stroll around the gulag, where the countless corsair prisoners of war are currently crafting the latest series of Coalition Liscence plates, wearing a colour synonomous with Corsairs and Criminals the universe over, Orange... Why I am sure we could stop into a little boutique, Chez Troll, and have you outfitted with a set... I hear your parents were wearing similar when they were carted off to be gobbled up by their tyrannical Elder overlords.

Once we were done, we might go take in a movie or two at the Patriot's theatre, I hear they have a great one which shows the Havana taking down the OCV-Midas, the Tarantula, and a pair of Legates while under the Command of then Captain Alvarez, I think the film title was 'The Coalition's Greatest Hits, volume X'.

Of course no date would be complete without a rousing game of shoot the fascist, where you'd get to pit your wits against one of our best firing squads, armed only with a blindfold and a cigarette. Why, so many of your compatriots have literally lost their heads for that game.

Also, I'd like to thank you, pumpkin, for the wonderful photographs of the Havana. I am sure her new Captain would love to see what the pride of the Coalition Navy, hand crafted by Corsair shipwrights, lovingly shined and polished and turned back on them, means to you Corsairs. That unending shame, and sense of loss... that's right, the little bit of shame your entire race carries with you over the whole Valesco/Costello affair, yeah you know the one that gets you right above that rather fatty bit in your stomach that will soon become a sausage on Elder Espi's plate when the old Queen's found you were covorting with the enemy and making googly eyes at me.

Why the Captain would almost be flattered that it took so many of your best bombers so long to actually accomplish that task. But then, I have heard that the Black Sails were slipping, guess I see why now you're looking to marry and get a Coalition Visa, don't worry, you're more than welcome to come join your fellow corsairs who have seen the light and joined the glorious revolution.

Oh did I mention, I'd even pick up the check... now at the end of the night, I really wouldn't want you putting out. That would be presumptuous. I'd expect to have to buy you at least another meal, after all, it's not as if you'd ever eat as well back on Crete as you would on a dinner-date in the Coalition.

With much love,

Leon Mendel
Commissariat of Public Relations

---Communications Terminated--

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