Cheese this and mayonaise that. Bah. Every person of culture knows that the only condement worth mentioning is bacon. Take any meal under the sun, add a strip of bacon, and people are suddenly sipping tea with pinkies extended and raising eyebrows at random strangers. Add a second strip and such vulgar street machines as crotch rockets and asian imporats are instantly replaced by Bentlys and Bugattis. And, heaven forbid, should you deep fry your bacon wrapped meal, Kings and Queens will ennoble you and your line for the next 100 generations.