For you are immortal

[Rommie]

Night.

I stand in my room again, contemplating on what had happened. Should I have shot him? Should I have killed my subordinate? I pray that there's still a way to get him back to us, but the more I pray, the more I realize that he's gone.


Am I a bad leader?
I doubt one failure makes a leader 'bad'.
But he's gone. I let one of my men to a fate worse then death.
He had the opportunity to turn away.
...
Stop blaming yourself.
...




The next day.



I've been staring at in the mirror for a while now. I don't think I'll be able to let it go.
Eventually I get dressed and head for the Commander's quarters to give him my report. Few eyes dare to turn towards me behind my back. None of them dare to face me. Can't blame them, crash-landing a blood smeared Nyx on the docking pad, while returning form a mission that few people were aware of...
The Commander takes my report. Not saying anything, I turn to leave. As I open the door, I hear him saying, quietly, calmly

-Never again.



I'm called to the infirmary again to have my blood checked again. The higher-ups now have eyes on me everywhere, in any way. I guess it's alright. What if I'm infected and don't know it?
After the blood check, I head back to my room. They put me off for the next week. I'm not allowed in the Hangar, nor the Firing Range. I wonder what they've done with my Nyx...
I head to the canteen to have lunch. I cross eyes with one of the pilots with me yesterday. We don't speak a word to each other, as he joins me and walks by my side. I guess it's better this way. After having a quiet lunch with my comrade, I head back to my room.




Three hours later.


I can't take this anymore. I can't sit here all day.
I head back to the Commander's quarters to ask for permission to access the Hangar and work on my Nyx. He's not there, so I head to the briefing room. As I open the door and walk into the room, I see the Commander speaking to the pilots. He stops when he notices me. Is he sending another mission to that hellish place? He steps down and follows me outside.


-Denied. The Nyx is undergoing forensics' tests. You'll have to wait till tomorrow. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.

I head back to my room and stare at the ceiling.



I should of killed him.
...

---

In space, nobody knows I'm a panda