Liberty Police, Inc. Applications Office

[Garrett Jax]

*Voice message recording*
*Begin voice mail message*

Eh...Hello. Is this thing on? *tap tap tap*

Mildred, get away, I know how to work this confounded machine.

This is Elmer Hall calling Liberty Police Headquarters. Come in, LPI.

*voice in background* Elmer, they can't hear you. They won't respond back.

What??? Shut up, woman. I'm trying to talk here.

*voice in backgroud* They want to know your age, Elmer.

My age? Umm, well...I'm...let's see...older than dirt.

*voice in background* He's 83 years old.

Woman. So help me... *shakes fist*

*voice in background* Tell them how tall you are Elmer.

How tall? Is that with the hunch, or standing straight up? Oh, who the hell cares. 177 cm, give or take a few.

*voice in background* How much do you weigh, Elmer?

Why, you think I'm fat? Who are you to be calling people fat, woman. Have you seen your backside in a mirror lately?

*voice in background* No Elmer, they want to know how much you weigh.

Oh...well, take my wife's arse, divide by two, and that's my weight.

*smacks Elmer*

Hey! Back off woman.

*voice in background* Tell them where you've worked, Elmer.

Huh? What?

*louder voice in backgroud* Turn up your earpiece.

Oh, jeez. Alrighty.

Work? Well, I'm retired now. Worked for 10 years cleaning the floors down in the Forensics dept. Then I spent the next 8 years in the military. Quit that when my knew blew out, and then moved on to patrolling the tradelanes of Liberty for the next 30 yrs as an LPI officer. Officially retired 15 yrs ago. Check your records. I'm a retired cop.

*voice in background* They won't accept you Elmer. You're too old.

Son of a... Woman! So help me, if you don't shup you're trap, I'm gonna find my old tazer and...

*voice in background* That old thing? I ran the batteries out on that thing years ago.

Doing what?

*voice in background* A woman gets lonely, Elmer.

What the hell you talking about, woman.

Anyways, I'm wanting to join back with the force. Stupid retirement checks aren't covering my wife's food bill, and I need the money. I still have my old tazer, somewhere, and I have an old jalopy of a Liberator parked out back.

*snickering voice in background* If you're leaving, don't forget your diapers. *laughter*

Woman!!!!


*ending transmission*

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