The Melencholy of Udo Ackermann: Episode IV

[Ironwatsas]

*The Following is based on actual events.
**Actual fictional events.

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For the first time, Udo Ackermann was in the forest.

He had always fantasized about visiting the forest, it's just there were never any on Stuttgart. A few in the alpine regions that he had never gotten the chance to visit. He had been whisked away to the LWB long before.

In hindsight, Forests were scary.

A strange moon in the sky, a cold snowy wind blowing, scratching bare branches, a quartet of monster girls chasing him with intent to eat him.

Poor Udo.

"NEIN ICH AM NOT FOOD! HALP ME!" He yelled, running forth along the pathway.

Granted, it was a fairly pointless gesture, as the child-monsters could fly. But they weren't too bright themselves, but to Udo, their intellect was fearsome and terrible.

Udo tripped over an exposed root, falling to the dirt trail, scraping his knees and scuffing his already battered LWB Jacket. He had been trapped in this strange place for several months now, since his misguided foray into a "Shiny Ball", now known famously as the Ackermann Anomaly in the Saar system.

[font=Comic Sans Ms]"Don't hurt me!" He cried, rolling on his back and crawling away from the four winged silhouettes.

"I don't want to hurt you, I want to eat you! Wau~!" The girl of darkness spoke. She spoke in the same fast, babbling language the Kusarians used, but somehow Udo understood it as if it were his own. Though he put little thought to it as he was most likely about to be eaten.

"Hey, I found him first. I want his Kidneys, Ruri" Spoke the androgynous-looking Bug girl. "We need to sort of age him before we eat him."

The Bird girl, her wings spread behind her, spoke next
"Eww, you like everything aged, Wriggle! We need to grill him up fresh or else he'll taste all slimey..."

"Ehh, Cooking him is overrated. The real way to prepare him is..." the bug spoke once more, before she was interrupted by the 'leader' of the children.

"EYE WILL FREEZE HIM!" Yelled the ice fairy, stepping forth proudly, pointing at Udo. "YOU...!"

"Me? Ich do nicht want to be frozen! Ist cold!" Udo stated plainly.

"YOU HAVE A JACKET! It will keep you warm!" the fairy spoke, clearly not bright enough to understand the consequences of freezing a human into a block of ice.

But Ice was Frozen so it was Cool!

"IT's settled then, Eye will freeze you!"

"Noooooo!"

"Nein!"

"If you freeze him we can't eat him!" Spoke forth the Apparition that Stalks the night.

"Eww, Eye don't like the taste of Human!" The fairy replied, sticking out her tongue in disgust. Perhaps Udo could use this advantage!

"Ja! Ich am nicht tasty! Ich have... erm... a disease! ja?" Udo pleaded, hoping he had outsmarted his foes!

"Ooh! ooh! What kind of disease? Is it a spicy one?"

Nope.

Diseases were like seasonings to a Youkai's palate.

Why was Udo in a world full of youkai whom eat people anyway? A long tale. One that Udo thought to recount to perhaps stave off his culinary doom...

"Ich am lost! Ich only want to go home to Planet Stuttgart!" He cried. "So ich can be with die LWB? Und grow crops!"

"Chinchin~ Crops? What kind of crops?" Asked the bird inquisitively.

"Crops are icky!" The darkness stuck her tongue out in childish disgust

"Hey, I have my Lamprey Stand to run! If I can get some vegtables maybe I can sell stir frys!"

Udo stood up slightly, his hopes up. Perhaps he could wriggle out of this situation after all!

"But I want to eat him nooooowwwwww!"

Nope. And this time the Darkness was not waiting, she quickly tried to tackle Udo with her supernatural strength and eat him, before the others could!

"NEIN! HALP! HALP ICH AM BEING EATEN!" Udo yelled, flailing his arms vainly as the girl attempted to bite his head.

"Hey, stop yelling! What if Reimu hears..." The bug said, bringing up a valid point.

Everyone hushed at that moment, as none would consider taunting the local Shrinemaiden. She had a tenancy to exterminate Youkai who got out of line...

In the sudden quiet, a noise in the distance brought their attention. Something rustling in the bushes.

"Do you think that's her?"

"EYE Can defeat the Shrinemaiden! eye have been practicing!" Spoke the fairy boastfully.

Some sticks cracked, and bushes thrashed violently. Something was coming...

"Umm... Okay, let's go get some Lamprey! Eye will fight Reimu tomorrow!"

The Fairy began to fly off into the sky, and the Bug followed her.

Reluctantly, the Darkness youkai and the Bird went as well. Not desiring to skirmish with an angry Miko. If that was indeed what was coming.

Poor Udo couldn't fly. He had to deal with whatever abomination was about to make it's presence known.

He stood back up, his back to a tree, his heart racing with fear, a bit of blood running down his forehead as the anomaly approached. The branches were pushed aside, bushes trampled and torn out of the way... revealing what could only be described as...

...a curiously small girl with green hair and an unusually large head.

"Oh, Hallo! You aren't going to eat me, Ja?"

"WAT?!" She yelled, causing Udo to jump back a bit. [color=#CC66CC]"Wait WHO are Yooooooou?"


[font=Comic Sans Ms][color=#FF6666]"I...Ich bin Udo! Ich am from Rheinland. Was ist your name?" He asked, trembling slightly. This girl may have been smaller, but she had a mad look in her eyes, and clearly sounded belligerant.

Her reply was quite quick, clear, and to the point.

[font=Comic Sans Ms]"I AM AmeAme!"

She paused a moment, Making a narrow eyed " [color=#000000]._. " expression, seemingly dumfounded for a brief period.


[font=Comic Sans Ms][color=#CC66CC]"YOU ARE AMESLAVE!"

Poor Udo.

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All that begins must end.