Imperfection

[Saerieve]

 

Part XVII: Old Habits

His whole body hurt thanks to having to sleeping in his Katana cockpit for past few days. It reminded him of the months he spent in his Roc, but he was used to it back then. Now though, bad habit of sleeping on a bed had gotten into him. Old habits die hard, they say, but for him, regaining those habits seemed to be much harder. He never remembered himself this weak, this vulnerable. Granting himself the liberty of luxury had taken all his strength, and he no longer was that thick-skinned freelancer flying around with not a single worry in his mind. He had gotten so used to the life Dragons had given him, the life he had accepted over desperation, and the same life that had betrayed him in the end, and now, right when he wanted, needed to start fresh and clean, he was just coming to realize he had no longer had the strength to live the life he was lived, before settling in Kusari.

Barrier Gate. It was the one place in the whole universe he could possibly call home again. It belonged to no one, and it was nowhere near any of the houses, and it was the very same place he had called home before moving to Kusari. If it was one place he could earn his fresh start, it would've been the Barrier; But he was not going to live the life he lived during his last stay on Barrier. Even if he wanted, he was not the same person anymore, so the same life couldn't have been anything but a pretentious gesture, a fake mask, just like everyone else. Instead of living a life with no reason, and living a life for someone else's reasons, he wanted to restart his life, but with his own reasons this time. Having his own rules, his own goals, his own plans, and living a life for himself, not unknowingly enslaved by people he'd never truly know.

Space didn't feel the same with its confusing touch. Every single place he went to, felt like its first time despite having dozens of memories buried behind it. He knew all he needed was some rest, cause he knew no matter how much strength he put into restarting his life, he still wasn't ready for such a life, didn't have the strength to live it fully. Barrier was his next stop, he needed a room with nothing but a bed and a shower, and some real food so the actual taste of his meal could help him think more clearly, rather than having to such on a tube and pretend to enjoy it. Exhausted from his long flight, he did wish for another way into Coronado, but he knew he was not patient enough to take the Taus route, and between choosing Baffin and Cortez, the later was undoubtedly his choice, because the one thing he didn't want to get into was having to shoot some useless Zoners, simply because.
 

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