The recorder clicks on and some soft shuffling can be heard.
"...I tried so hard to get off this planet when I was a kid. I wanted to get out of the city, away from my dad...away from the life he wanted me to live, and so of course...I joined the Marines!"
She laughs softly before letting out a sigh.
"It's funny though, every time my duties bring me back here, I find myself wishing for time to get off-post so I can visit dad's grave, or even just to mess around in the city. I hate this place, but I miss it...and I miss dad."
Rachel sighs again, pausing for a brief moment.
"...There's just so much going on lately, I wish dad was still around, I feel like he'd know what to say...he'd make things alright, help me focus, I don't know...haha, what am I doing? talking to myself? talking to the walls?...I don't know why I even turned this stupid recorder on..."
She paused to clear her throat, biting her lip as she sat there in silence, staring into the recorder for a long moment.
"...Nowhere else to turn, I guess. It's awful lonely at the top, even with Malrone above me. I can't let my subordinates see my doubts, my fears, or any of this weakness that I feel...I'm an Admiral for God sake, I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to feel like I know what I'm doing...I'm supposed to know that I'm right, and that even though people die it's okay as long as we complete our damned missions and win wars!"
She laughs pathetically, almost sarcastically.
"But...that isn't how I feel, every dead recruit whose papers I signed, every soldier or sailor who dies on a mission I'm leading...I feel those losses, and I...I don't know what to do, I try to make up for it by leading from the front...but that doesn't take the weight off my shoulders, it doesn't make me any less responsible when a mission goes wrong. I don't know, I guess I hope that if it comes to it, I'll die instead of one of my subordinates or some civilian..."
She sighs heavily, leaning back into her seat, running her fingers through her hair.
"I just hope that I'm worthy of the responsibility and trust that all these soldiers and sailors have given me...I know that I'm a good soldier, I know that I can lead...I guess I'm still just not sure David was right to make me an Admiral... even if the stars do look damn good on the collar of my dress blues..."
She laughs softly, rolling her eyes and shaking her head before abruptly turning the recorder off.
![[Image: CHI4y9i.png]](https://i.imgur.com/CHI4y9i.png)