SCRA Communications Centre

[Lanakov]

Comm ID : Commissar Sudoplatov
Topic : Slight misfire incident on planet Jiangxi

Comrades,

It has been brought to my attention that, earlier today, a incident involving Nova torpedoes and unfortunate militsonyer Dietfried Kamenev occured on Planet Jiangxi. The report is fairly sketchy, but as a reminder of how important it is to strictly follow security procedures around high-grade ordnance, here's an account of what happened.
I demand that you take note of it and imagine every gruesome detail, maybe that'll put some sense in your empty heads.

This morning, as the militsioneri were enduring the trials, a wing of bombers flew over the planet as a maneuver exercice led by Colonel Novikov. Most unexpectedly, one of the ships fired, by accident, a Nova torpedo at the surface of planet Jiangxi. The torpedo went in a straight line, not locked on any target, and exploded on the ground, adding yet another crater on the desolate surface.

Sadly, comrade Kamenev was caught in the blast radius, losing two legs and one arm to the energy discharge. Demonstrating surprising endurance, he did not die on the spot as his heat signature and heartbeat kept flashing on our screens. However, he was soon obliterated by a random pack of wild beasts which was coincidentally roaming the area and was attracted by his radioactive remains.

Needless to say, there was not much left of Dietfried Kamenev by the time the report I received was complete. Colonel Novikov, responsible for the patrol, claimed that it was "certainly not [his] fault if the [redacted] decoy was too close to the [redacted] planet" and blames a technical mishap indepedent of his or his wingmen's will.

Still, a little reminder can't hurt. Be extremely careful around weapon systems, especially if you're in charge of a bomber craft. These are weapons meant to bring down battleships ; I will not tolerate any other approximation of this sort. Friendly fire has never occured in the history of the SCRA and never will. I trust I made myself clear.

Sudoplatov, out.

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If everyone was a bit more like Lanakov, the entire world would be more positive. Including pregnancy tests.