Sunbucks Cafe

[lIceColon]

//my first try so be kind

The cafe was peaceful and quite, when from out of nowhere (aka the entrance to Sunbucks) came a dozen LPi officers chatting noisily as their mobility suits struggled to keep this batch of officers upright.

Heads turned- who were these officers? Nobody had seen them before. But judging from the level of ease and calm they exhibited, they didn't seem to be recruits either.

The head of the bunch, clearly distinguishable by his physical size and Model X-950G mobility suit, had made his way towards the counter. After panting from exhaustion for a few minutes from the trauma of walking from the entrance to the counter, the leader of the group spoke quietly to the bartender, waving his flabby arms in a billion different gestures in an attempt to explain something. The bartender nodded, and left his position to the kitchen.

At this point, a resident officer of the Police Plaza by the name of Andy decided that these new guys, whoever they were, seemed suspicious. Were they really LPi? And if they were, then why didn't he see them often?

So Andy picked himself up, attempted to stand, and after balancing himself he waded his way towards the newcomers.

"Hey!" he yelled, "Hello there!"

"Oh, hi" replied one of the officers who turned towards Andy at a rate of 10 degrees per second. "Can I help you with anything?"

"You sure can, guy, by telling me- who are you guys?"

"Good question." said the newcomer, "who are we?"

"Yes, who are you guys?"

"One donut."

"One donut? What does that mean?"

"It means," explained the newcomer, "that I'll tell you for one donut. On second thought, make that forty five donut."

Andy began to sweat. One donut? that was too much of a sacrifice. One Libby maybe, but donuts are just too sacred. Nope, not the price to pay.

"You know, I don't have to pay you to make you talk, you know. I was ex-LSF, you know. And now I am a-"

At this point Andy was interrupted by the sounds of marching footsteps fading in from the distance. Emerging, like the uncloaking of a LABC. Footsteps in unison, rumbling throughout the cafe. Officers began to pause from their donut-licking activities in search for the source of the noise, which seemed to be coming from the kitchen.

And just when Andy was trying to figure out what was going on, the cafe's doors bust open and out came droid after droid, carrying the spoils of Sunbucks across- er- Sunbucks.

As the patrons stirred, seduced by the sight of container after container of Chocolate Donuts, Sugar Glazed Donuts, Burgers Coffee and such, and began rising from their chairs and stepping out of their seats staring at the droids and their cargo with uncontrollable lust, the newcomers began forming a perimeter around the droids, standing firmly in defense of the line of droids carrying the donuts out the entrance.

One of the officers, a short but round midget, decided to go for one of the droids. He ran and ran towards the line from droids screaming "DOOOONNAAAATTS!!!", and upon discovering that he wasn't actually that good on his feet, the midget got into a roll and instantly bowled towards the line of droids at ten times his running speed.

Swiftly, three of the new comers whipped out their tasers, gathered around the midget's projected trajectory and tased the little guy simultaneously.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" screamed Ben, the officer in charge. "Who the hell are you to tase one of my men?"

At this point the bartender came out of the kitchen, and told the officer, "Stay outta this Ben, these donuts are reserved for Halt personnel only."

"What the hell is a Halt?" screamed Ben, furious that these Donuts were teasing him, teasing him so badly, yet so out of reach.

"The Halt is a police gunboat, currently here for its second daily resupply of donuts- I mean, um, ammo, because we, um, shot a lot of criminals and have a brilliant arrest record.” Said the leader.

“Damn right skipper, we don done ‘em criminals justice” agreed one of the newcomers.

“Normally we resupply at the cargo dock, but there was a malfunction in the mechanisms today, more specifically Johnson got stuck in the gears after he dropped his creamy choco sundae delight in it, but we’ll get him out soon as the lipo crew arrives.”

“Gunboat… so you’re SWAT?” scoffed Ben, “Figures”

“No, we’re not SWAT.”

“Then why the hell are you in a gunboat?”

“Chief got tired of us trashin too many Libbies, said that we were better off tendin to a single gunboat. We decided that with our combined intelligence we would finally be capable of intercepting any criminal, so we named the boat the Halt.”

“So you catch any one yet?”

Maggie, another one of the newcomers: “Well sure, but not on pur-”

Skipper tases the fat woman before she finishes the sentence and finishes: “-pure instinct. Not on pure instinct, as we follow the protocols, don’t we?”

“Yep”

“We sure do.”

“I want those donuts! Why are the droids still going? Just how big is the Halt?”

“Your average gunboat, we cleared out most of the hold to make space for the donuts. Totally worth it by the way. ”

And with that, Ben snapped: “I want those donuts, and by god I’m getting those donuts!”

The other newcomers chimed in: “Yeah, you shouldn’t take all those donuts for yourselves.”

The Skipper assessed the situation. It seems that these people were about to obstruct the Donut line. Without Donuts, the crew of the Halt could become more efficient, some of them might even get promoted! No, Skipper couldn’t risk losing one of his men to the goody-two-shoes-side of the LPi. He had to make the ultimate sacrifice.

The captain stopped munching on his chocolate iced donut with sprinkled bacon, looked at it with a tearful eye, then with all the willpower he could muster, captain threw his precious donut across to the other end of the café.

“What you thought that’d distract us?” laughed Ben as he inched towards the donut, moving sideways carefully. The other officers began to stir.

When followed was complete chaos, as blob after blob of officer charged at the donut, trampling each other and tasing when necessary, fat hairy hands pushing fat meaty faces out of the way, those with better sumo-bodies ramming their way through, and through all this the newcomers- the crew of the Halt- stared at the skippa in disbelief- he violated the police code, he abandoned a donut, bad skipper.

Calmly, the skipper of the Halt began rolling his hands, and in the amazement of all crew of the Halt, a half-eaten donut made its way out from beneath the pile of officers, slowly but surely returning to its rightful owner through the help of fishing line. It was a glorious moment for all members of the Halt, as the commotion seemed to fade away into the background, the captain wheeled the Donut in until it was close enough to be picked up.

Though all deformed and mutilated and dirty from being trampled on, the donut was still in a recognizable state. And in one of the most touching moments of Sunbucks history, the skipper reunited with the donut- with his mouth. Though dirty from being dragged through the Sunbucks floor and salty from being sweated on by the officers, the Donut felt sweet in the Skipper’s mouth. Tears trickled from the corner of every crewmember of the Halt, and they began applauding, and cheering the name of the captain- “Henry, Henry, Henry!”

That however, did not mark the end of the conflict, as the local officers, disgruntled from piling up on top of each other, and pissed from realizing it was a setup, slowly got off each other and stared at the newcomers.

Officer Ben whipped out his laser, and so did some of the more agile of LPi, and said, “You. Donut. Me. Taser. Zap.”

The skipper quickly motioned for a defensive barrier to made between the other officers and the droids, who were still lifting more and more of the Sunbucks to the Halt: “Remember, boys. Just like I taught you, don’t let a soul through. Keep the donut line clear until they’ve finished loading em onto our boat”

“I’m with ya Henry” said Maggie, and the other crew of the Halt nodded. “Copy that.”

Andy got up after getting the crap trampled outta him, and looked at the standoff. Then he looked at the donuts, whipped his Taser out pointed it to the ceiling and screamed “THIS IS SUUNBUUUCKS!!!”

With that, the officers charged towards the line droids, footsteps rumbling through the floors, filling the recycled air with the battlecries of around 40 fat people.

“Hold that line, soldiers” muttered the Skipper as he reached into his holster, and took out another Donut. “hold that line” said the muffled voice as he bit into the tasty dough.

Ten seconds later, The officer Ben shouted at the top of his lungs to the charging officers, “Stop!!! Time out!” Exhausted from all the charging, every officer in Sunbucks fell onto the ground, flat on their face and took a nap.

Skipper watched, and tried to resist falling asleep himself. As luck would have it, the last of the droids had left the Cafe. “Time to go, muttered a tired Skipper, and he turned around towards the café entrance and got sucked straight into orbit around the Chief.

“Nice donuts, droids were a little nasty to my teeth though” said the chief as he let out a deafening burp.

---

No atmosphere? GTFO.
The propeller is the greatest invention of all time.