Liberty Police Inc. Field Manual (out of date, updating in progress)

[Liberty Police Inc.]

Chapter Seven - Tips and Tricks (and You)

Ah, Tips and Tricks, my favourite section. These are a set of tips that'll help your survive or meet monthly ticket quotas.

1: Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

This goes without saying. Giving the Chief lip or sass will undoubtedly result in your pay getting docked. This pay-docking also may or may not coincide with a bonus for the Chief.

2: Bite the enemy's hand, instead.

It's a perfectly acceptable practice in the LPI to give criminals some sass. Take out any insecurities or anger at the Chief on them. After all, they aren't technically citizens of Liberty, right? Right.

3: Broken tail lights are a mainstay of the force.

Superiors breathing down your neck with a gun to your head, muttering something incoherent about monthly ticket quotas? Not a problem! With a list of draconian laws as long as the one in Liberty, you can always find something to fine someone for, probably. In the event that you can't, just make something up. Like broken tail lights. Ships don't even have tail lights, for Christ's sake, but they don't know that. Just don't overdo it, because then people will complain, and complaints are bad.

4: Keep your friends close and your coffee closer.
Did you go to sleep late last night because you had a mound of paperwork to deal with? Yes? Well, too bad! You're stuck here, with all of us, every day. For the rest of your life.

Luckily, there's a little thing that you can buy (with a 15% discount, use coupon code StayWoke) called Sunbucks Coffee, which is the lifeblood of many a beat cop. Simply purchase a cup, pull the top tab labeled "PULL HERE", and pour the entire thing down your gullet in one go.*

*Disclaimer: Sunbucks is not liable for any injuries caused by pouring a cup of boiling-hot coffee down your throat.

5: Who needs to be in shape? I have a Liberator!

As an officer in Liberty Police Inc., you have access to Sunbucks Donuts. Due to our lax regulations and the fact that our Liberators are made to hold one large Libertonian or four smaller ones in the cockpit, we can afford to get lazy and eat donuts all day. Use coupon code What'sObesity? for a 15% discount on your Sunbucks Donut purchases.

That about covers the basics.