Scribing

[Vaelin]

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[Personal Entry: Two]

“Things have changed within myself after my meeting with those on the Bell – something is out of character, wrong - it’s not that I have noticed its more that I can feel it, subconscious intuition and it’s something that is causing internal conflict.” He sighed out of frustration and then went back to writing. “It’s not something easily explained, it’s like a feeling of disinclination but something more. I treated someone unjustly, I contributed to their down trodden state and now looking back on it... I can only notice how ever wrong and unlike me that was – to actually have malice, they have obviously had a hard life and where I might normally look to help, I sought to just contribute as if I had a reason to hate them.” Valein would look at the paper he was writing on and would only shake his head in sadness and a growing frustration. He stood up and gathered his coat and went to door.

He returned some time later breathing heavily after expanding some physical energy. He sat back down and shook his head using a nearby towel to clean off some sweat and he turned the conditioning on, he sat being just in a shirt and shorts having taken off his other attire and having left it behind. “Normally I am more dead set in my ways, once I make a decision I go through – not loyal to ideas, I am not unconditionally loyal and yet.” He would shake his head. “There is one person I would hold faith with and my faith is not my loyalty. I am not acting like myself, I am not being myself and that’s the most concerning part – I look back on things I have wrote in the past and I can see now that my perceptions have changed utterly – I can no longer fully relate to myself at that time and I know that in the past I use to understand completely why I did something – and if I didn’t, I had faith in my intuition and the reasons would come to me later. No reason comes to mind as to why I have done what I did and its something I will need to seek redemption.”

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