Faction pre-release - discuss

[LunaticOnTheGrass]

Well... I'll preface this by saying that you tried. This writeup does show clear amounts of effort invested and some thought put forth.

That said, much feedback ends up being nitpicking, and bear in mind that any group of "Sirius Police" (be they actual lawfuls, or infinite ZoI unlawfuls such as your idea) are subject to the highest possible scrutiny.

Founded 820 A.S. the Raptors are a combination of varoius criminals and elite fighters who met in a bar that will remain unnamed and after hours of discussion they decided to team up to follow a few very specific goals they all shared.

What is the approximate size of this group of criminals and elite fighters? Were they primarily Freelancing pirates?

Leaving this meeting location ambiguous also seems like a little bit of a cop-out.

The Raptors are getting their cash through piracy and they even try to pirate military and police forces.

The latter seems like an exercise in futility, and personally I'd be of the assumption that any sane pirate or freelancer would realize this even before making a demand.

Supporting no one and they make demands on everyone.

This conflicts with your later "diplomacy" section, but we'll get to that.

So far there is no know station belonging to them so they are using other factions station to meet and team up.

Elaborate on these other factions' stations, if you would.

There had been reports about people trying to make fun ot the Raptors. Those guys were never seen again after their name appeared on the To-Do-List.

Be careful with the powergaming. Prove the faction's capabilities through actual in-game combat.

The friendship between an unknown supporter... Senseless communication is mostly ignored as they expect clear answeres

This is a little hypocritical.

Focused on piracy for cash only they will never accept an offer for cargo

This is a strange restriction. Bear in mind that certain valuable cargoes are worth a large sum of credits if they can be brought to a place where they're in demand.


I'm going to skip a little bit ahead to your purported goal; controlling the Cayman system and turning it into an "unlawful haven" for your faction (and if you're the same person who has been asking for an "unlawful system"; no offense, but you're oddly fixated on this). In this goal, you state a desire to expand. But how exactly is your organization supposed to supply and sustain itself when -

No Raptor pilot is even allowed to fly a transport

Can you eat credits?

The Raptors lost four members, but their opponents lost hundrets of fighters

Again, temper the powergaming. This is doubtful.


I'll summarize; you've put some effort into this faction... That much is clear. But I genuinely don't believe that it (or the Reapers of Sirius, for that matter; but that's another story) really fit into the Discovery Setting as a whole. Try to see into the minds of the actual non-player characters of your hypothetical faction; are they remorseless and emotionless machines? Would they be okay with the fact that the Raptors as a faction are killing all prisoners they receive?

Also bear in mind that the Discovery Setting is attempting to promote intra-system conflict and interaction by removing Guard Systems or de-Guarding them by mixing in other (often opposing) factions. Two years ago in the setting the idea of an "elite" force holding their own system that they jealously defend would have been more warmly received by the community than it is now.

The premise needs to be far more humble and perhaps less ambitious, in my opinion. Form alliances and agreements first; interact with allies and enemies first, before deciding what your Sirius-affecting goals are.