Pilot's Life

[E X O D I T E]

Welcome to Pilot's Life, the new underground Neural Net Sensation. Bringing you accurate unbiased information in a creative manner.

Thank you for tuning in today.

Today's stories are:

Erik Nodtviet: Concealing a furry problem?
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Spoiler

Meet Erik Nodtviet. Exalted Guildmaster of The Core. Consummate ladies man. Excellent leader and brilliant tactician. However, recently, photos have surfaced that suggest he may not be entirely human, such as the one forwarded to this very publication. A local biologist has come forward with his theory that Nodtviet's contact with Nomads and AIs may have permanently altered his genetic structure and physiology. When asked how that would happen, he posited a hitherto unknown radiation may be at work. However, as the Guildmaster doesn't seem to keen about being laid out on an operating table, any in-depth study will have to be indefinitely postponed. We will keep you updated as the story develops.

Trending Fashions: EVA suits back in style after decompression accident leaves twelve dead.
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Spoiler

[IMAGE DEEMED TOO VIOLENT FOR THIS PUBLICATION] A disaster struck the upper atmosphere of Planet Manhattan this morning as a Transport's navigational systems drove it directly into the mesosphere. The details of the roster have not been released, but twelve out of the twenty-two personnel aboard have been confirmed as dead. We will keep you posted as more details come out.

Agiera buffoons do it again!
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Spoiler

Recent details have surfaced of Ageira scientists and Trade Lane/Jump Gate Materials disappearing. Evidently, elements of the Lane Hackers have been found responsible. No word yet on whether they're screwed-over scientists escaping overbearing bigwigs or petty criminals looking to make a fast buck, but in all honesty, I love you guys. Sticking it to the man like that.

Gallic Royal Navy consists of cowards and fools!
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Spoiler

The Kingdom of Gallia features a group of corrupt goons known as the Royal Navy, who attempt to impose their own brand of order. We take you live to an interview with a pilot who graciously agreed to answer our questions.
Interviewer: Thank you for coming in here, Mr. Strappe.
Pilot: Please, call me Jacques.
Interviewer: Thank you, Jacques. What can you tell me about the Royal Navy?
Jacques: Well, it's terrible. It always smells of a pastry shop. I don't even like croissants and baguettes, but that's what every ship smells like.
Interviewer: That's rough, buddy. What are your ships like?
Jacques: They fly like drunken crates. I think we only win because we outnumber the other guys.
Interviewer: Thank you for telling us that. It feels better that we have nothing consisting of actual skill to contend with.
Jacques: Do I get my Stabiline now?
Interviewer: Quiet, you!

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The Gallic Royal Navy depends on weight of numbers to win. You heard it from us first.

Liberty Rogues oafish buffoons!
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Spoiler

The Liberty Rogues. The very name brings to mind the twisted ingenuity of truly desperate people running from the law. However, in terms of common sense, they're not that bright. We now take you behind the scenes in their latest operation to rob a storehouse of Cardamine.
Rogue 1: You guys distract da guards and I grab the stuff. Meet at Benny's later and we can party.
Rogue 2: Okay
Rogue 3: Okay
[They attempt to do so. Unfortunately, the guards bust them.]
As you can see, the Rogues are another "weight of numbers" group. Nothing to worry about.

Thank you for reading today's stories.

Tune in next time for the latest goings-on that may interest pilots or any personnel off to deep space, or even low orbit.

Safe flights, everyone!


// Credit to @"Sombra Hookier" for photoshopping cat ears onto Nodtviet

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