Journal of Tarkis, the Orphan.

[Tarkis]

Data Entry #3

Good afternoon reader, i'm yet again not able to sleep, stuck in this ship with Aia.
Oh, i forgot, you have no clue who Aia is! Er...'what' Aia is.
You'll figure that out later, i have a story to continue!

But...uh...hmm...i can't seem remember where i stopped last night.
Oh well...i hope this is about the right place:


After that freelancer brought me and my lifeless ship back to Freistadt, i received my pay, with a bonus for nearly dying, and went to start a nice long drinking binge in the local bar.

I got there, sat down at the nearest table, and yelled for a waiter.
And of course, i get the ugly robot.
As all bots do, it said in it's polite, monotone, mechanical voice:
"What can i get for you, sir?"

I hate robots.

"Uh...how about a human?", i mumbled under my breath.

"Sorry, my optical sensors picked up movement on your face, but i received no indication that you spoke. Or as you humans might say - i didn't hear you."

...i hate robots.

"Just get me a glass of your cheapest painkiller."

"Right away, sir."

Just as the ugly piece of machinery was walking off to get my drink, that savior freelancer came and sat down at my table.

Freelancer: "Hey, merc. You haven't killed yourself yet i see."

"I didn't know those cops, i wouldn't kill myself just because they died."

Freelancer: "Ah...i see. The heartless type. Well-"
I glared at him.
"I'm afraid you have me mistaken, sir."

Freelancer: "Woah, woah merc. Calm down i was only messing with you.
Say, you look like the adventurous type, and i know you're low on cash..."

His eyes gave that shine, just for a split second, just long enough so that i noticed. He quickly covered it up with his usual stoic big-bad-freelancer face. But i saw that look in his eye. I saw the shine, ya know "the shine"? It's that look that someone gets when someone hands them a diamond as big as a fist, or a platinum necklace socketed with every gem known to mankind.

Freelancer: "I know a place, a Zoner base away from everyone. It's in a little known system right next to Dublin. You know what's in Dublin right? Gold. Lots and lots of gold. So much gold - that i bet you could repair your ship with pure gold if you wanted. How would you like that? A pure gold ship?

What a moron...
"Um...i wouldn't? If you want a gold ship that would dent from bumping your knee into it, be my guest."

I think i may have pissed him off.
Freelancer: "...i was just trying to make it simple for you. You could be rich, don't you get it?
And that Zoner base is right there near it all! We could go there and sell it! Imagine the credits Zoners would pay for gold taken from Molly fields?"

"Excuse me? Did you just propose that we steal gold from a Molly controlled asteroid field...and sell it one jump away to a bunch of Zoners? Are you insane? You think the Zoners don't know that all that gold is there?"

He smiled.
"I know they don't. C'mon, i need someone to help me mine, and to keep a lookout while i tractor all in."

This guy was nuts. I knew Zoners weren't stupid. This plan of his didn't even make sense! What else was there for me to do though? My ship was dead, i couldn't do missions here anymore. Not only that but he later offered to pay for repairs. So i went along. I went to go watch us fail at stealing Molly gold, and fail even more at trying to sell it for a decent price just one system away.

Freelancer: "So? Are you in?"

"Yea, sure." i said.

Freelancer: "Just one thing...i though you said you wouldn't kill yourself over a couple stranger cops?"

"Of course not, i already told you this! What are y- ...Oh...uh..."

That stupid robot took my request for "a glass of your cheapest painkiller" quite literally.
There sitting on the table in front of me was a glass full of synth-asprin, topped with two ice cubes.


I...hate robots.


Ok...so do i really need to talk this part out for you?
You know that this genius's plan didn't work.
You knew it before i was born, before you were born, because that's how freakin' ridiculous it was.

So yes...he failed and was destroyed by Mollys as i simply sat a few k away "keeping watch".

Ha!

I mean i feel sorry for him getting killed, i did try to go save him.
Unfortunately for him, he didn't see them coming from the other side of the field, and all the warning i got was:

"Ahahaha! Jackpot! Look at all this GOLD! We're rich i tell you, Zoners love gold! Ahaha-" *cut off*

Yea...so anyways...
I mentioned something called Aia earlier.
Well, i found Aia on that base the former freelancer told me about.
You know, the one with all the gold loving Zoners on it?

Well it turned out that i was right, they were just as smart as any other Zoners, and gold was not as high on their price list as that guy thought.
You know what they were crazy about on that planet though?
Bars and booze.

Every bar i went to on that planet was spotless, had music, great lighting.
Every seat was made with top notch synthetic leather.
It was great...and it was also where i met Aia.

Well...actually it's where i met her owner...


"Waiter!"

Another robot! It was another robot waiter! Well...ok so the bars were mediocre at best.

Robot piece of junk: "Yes, sir? What can i get for you?"

"How about some sweet potatoes, and a glass of your cheapest alcoholic beverage."
I was going to make sure the bots didn't mess up my order this time...

Robot piece of junk: "Coming right up, sir."

A couple seconds later, a short, pudgy man came stumbling into the bar.

Pudgy Man: "Waiter! ..Waiter!! Get me sum whishky, i'm famisht."

Different robot piece of junk: "Yes, sir, one moment sir,"

Pudgy Man: "Nno! Yous get me my whishky right naow!"

I watched in amusement as the man unceremoniously flopped himself into a bench seat and continued to demand more booze.

Pudgy Man: "Gosht Darned robut! You bertter get me my bozz Naow!"

"Well look at that, someone else that hates robots. Guess i should go say hi."

What can i say? I was bored and figured it would be funny to watch this guy try to talk.

"Hey pudgy booze guy, want some company?"

Pudgy Man: "Wha? Do you have bozz for me?"

"Uh...sure." i handed him a glass of water from the used but uncleaned table behind me.

He grabbed it greedily and gulped it down.

Pudgy Man: "Aahhh, good shtuff there...so strahngor, what's your naam?"

"Tarkis. And what about you, drunk, what's your "naam"?

Pudgy Man: "Don't you get shtricky with me!"

"Well it's o-"

Pudgy Man: "I knows your naam isnt Torkis!"

"No it's not...it's Tarkis. But i-"

Pudgy Man: "Nono no no. You're ahn orfen! You has no naam."

"...How did you know that?"

Pudgy Man: "My Ay eye unit hacked yurs infer card. Sshe says yur parent are unknown, an Torkis is not even offishal!"

"You have an AI unit? You just insulted the waiter for being a robot. Why do you carry around an AI unit?"

Pudgy Man: "Ahhaha, she's difrent. She don't have no robut voice, and not no emotion and don't have dumb misunderstands."

"Uh...okay, i doubt that. Aaand you're kinda psycho so...i'm goin' back over to my table now...nice meeting y-"

Pudgy Man: "No! Yu sit right back daown ther in that seet. Yur gonna take my Ay eye away from me! I can't stand her no more! Alwaysh tellin' me what right, or best. And no humor! I say sumfin' hilarous an she just say: "Good 'un Mr.Purgle." no laugh, no chuckle evun! "No mer drinkn'" she say, "No mer cadimine" she say.
"Gon' kill you" she say. Like a wif! I'm not married! I don' want a wif!"

He then stood up, and started walking away.

"What the hell?..."

He stopped when i said this and turned around, grumbling something about almost forgetting something.
He walked right up next to me, nearly touching me!
I cringed and held my breath.
To my horror he grabbed my hand and shoved a small black cube, covered in grime and pocket fuzz, into my palm.

As soon as he walked away i gasped in a breath of what i thought would be fresh air.
I nearly passed out from the stench! That guy hadn't bathed in months, maybe years!

-Gag- -cough, cough- "Holy...-another gag- that guy must hang out with nomads all day!"

Then i remembered the cube he had given me.
I nervously opened my hand, expecting it to explode into a cloud of disgusting eight-month-old sweat or some other deadly toxin.

It didn't do a thing.

I cleaned it off on my shirt, and decided it was time to head back to my ship.

"That would be about enough excitement for one night i think...besides, he might come back."

I got up to walk out, and glanced at my table as i left.
There was a glass of beer, and potatoes on a dish.

"Hmf, i ordered sweet potatoes. These arn't yams...wait...Are you kidding me?!"

The robot waiter had brought me potatoes covered in synth-sugar.
I slapped my hand to my face, like i was trying to wash off the stupidity of my surroundings, and walked out of the bar.

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So reader...after writing that amazing ending for my last journal entry...i tried to sleep, as usual.
For some reason, i can't.
So...i guess i'll add a bit more to this entry and save you the hassle of opening the entry 4 file to find out what Aia is.

So...as i was walking over to my ship in the hangars, that cube started glowing.
Red glowing. This worried me, as i was almost convinced right then and there that it was a stink-bomb.

I figured myself as being paranoid and decided to ignore its glowy-ness.

But when i started getting in my Tiger Shark, it started beeping too!
I shoved it in my pocket and climbed inside, ready to do a little flying before i went to sleep.
So i started the ship...and it died almost instantly.

"What the hell? Ugh...are you kidding me?"

I tried again, only to have the same thing happen.
Then the cube, the one in my pocket, started talking to me!
I didn't know it was the cube at the time though...so as you can imagine, it freaked me out!

*Warning! You're trying to steal someones ship, Mr.Purgle. I think you should stop...*

"AH! What? Get away! There's security right outside that door! I'll...i'll...hello?..."

As i jumped out of my ship and spun around in the middle of the the empty hangar, i realized that it truly was empty.

"Uh....ok Tarkis...you need sleep, skip the flying practice tonight..."

So i climbed back in only to be talked to by some disembodied female voice. And again i jumped out and looked around for her.

*I'm just going to keep deactivating that ship every time you start it, you thief!*

"Ok that's it, i'm getting security you conniving little prankster!"

*Wait...you're not Mr.Purgle, who are you?*

I'm...!....i'm.......i'm?...what? How are... -I looked around-... where are you?

*In your pocket, silly!*

Confused out of my mind, i pulled the black cube out of my pocket.

"Ok...so you're the AI that drunk was talking about...and you really exist....and you're a telepathic AI...and this means that i'm dreaming. Which means that i'm already asleep."
...
"Sweet, i fell asleep with no trouble tonight apparently, i don't even remember laying down."

*Are you insane? Because if you are...i'm going to be very angry that yet another insane person has come into possession of me.*

"Shut up dream lady, you're irritating."

*Wha?! You a_s! What did i do to deserve that?! And i'm no "dream lady" as you so rudely stated. I'm the AI codenamed Amaranth. And i'm sick of your attitude mister!*

"Uh...uh....but...how...what? So i'm not dreaming?"

*No one said you were dreaming but yourself you stupid human.*

"Hey now...if i have to be kind to you, that means that you can't be racist. Look, i hate robots, which you basicly are, but i haven't judged you yet. I think i will now though, i have a racist robot talking directly to my brain!"

*Ok ok i see your point...no hard feelings?*

"Alright fine, but you still confuse me..."

*Ah...let me explain, i am artificial intelligence experiment #142, created by a professor who's name i forget. He designed AI systems for ships, you see? And he invented me as a companion, since he was alone during most of his day. Unfortunately...that scoundrel, Mr.Purgle, stole me just as the good professor finished.
I am probably the most human-like AI in this half of Sirius. Which means i'm worthless...to put it simply.*

"Worthless?! You talk like a human! And you can forget things?! You've got to be the best AI i've met in my entire life!"

*But those are flaws to an AI, i don't indefinitely remember commands like any other AI. It takes time for me to learn, just as it takes time for you. I also have no blocks that would disallow other AI units to do certain things. Such as bar robots, they are not permitted to commit crime, their programming simply doesn't allow it. They cannot harm anything but the bacteria and such they kill with cleaning tables.*

"Yea...you're definitely the best AI in existence..."

*-sigh- Am i not being clea-"

"You can sigh!"

*...you're hopeless Mr...what's your name?*

"Wait...you hacked my ID back in the bar...don't you already know?"

*If i remembered every ID Mr.Purgle asked me to hack i would have fried years ago.*

"Oh...yea...the forgetful AI thing...well i'm Tarkis. No last name, i'm an orphan. What should i call you? "Dream lady" doesn't quite fit now that i know i'm awake, and that you're not a lady..."

*You may call me Aia, i made that name up myself you know. AI experiment #142, that's me, is called AI-Amaranth.
So...Ai...a. Aia. See?
Oh and if you call me "dream lady" again i'll fry myself which will probably cause a surge of electricity strong enough to stop your heart. At least i think it would...but i'm not sure. Should i experiment?*

"Ah! No! No no nonono! I get the point i get the point."

*Alright then...where are you going?*

"To sleep. Why?"

*In that tin can?*

"Hey now...that tin can is my ship..."

*Uh...i suggest you steal Mr.Purgle's. He can't use it anyway, he had his piloting license revoked. Also, i have the launch codes for it, he could never remember them even on sober days.*

"Well what kind of ship is it?"

*Have you ever seen a Raven's Talon class ship before?...*

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Character Stories/Backgrounds:
Cat o' Nine Anodyne (Character no longer exists.)
Delirium (Character no longer exists.)
Journal of Tarkis, the Orphan.(Character no longer exists.)
Story of Iggy, the Amazing Citizen. (Character no longer exists.)