A dissimilar Journal

[SeaFalcon]

Entry: . 004

Date: 12 06 823

User: .. Inge Wexler
Pass: .. ******

Subject: Afterparty

Back home again on New Berlin, it feels weird being here, especially after having seen him again. Noah Xonnel some guy I met a while ago and we hung out together. We had our good and bad moments. At first we had quite the arguments but eventually managed to befriend each other, something I let go too far which eventually led to everything breaking down around me. He pushed me away and the memories of that night still return to me in nightmares. I wish I could forget about it but that seems to be impossible.

Yesterday we met for the first time again after we separated and it gave me a weird feeling but I managed to keep them buried for the most part as we were at a birthday party. It was Raven’s birthday and Hunt had organized it together with Aria, we were on Honshu. It was all arranged in a large house that had been from a friend of Hunt who had passed away. The party was nice but I couldn’t really enjoy myself with Noah being around and he ignored me as well, apparently even my jokes didn’t land at the rest of the table which made it all just more awkward for me.

Hunt had also arranged for us to be able to stay there for the night, everyone in their separate rooms. I was really looking forward to the party when he first mentioned it to me but then he said he wanted to invite Noah over and my whole eagerness for the thing just collapsed. The only reason I went there was for Hunt and Raven wanting to give them their nice party and show them I’m their friend no matter what. I guess the party itself could’ve gone worse if Noah and I had actually talked and ended up arguing or worse but none of that happened so I’m glad.

Even when the rooms that were given to us were nice and comfortable I couldn’t get myself to fall asleep, having seen Noah again had refreshed all my memories about our times together and what he did to me, some of these visions returned to me when I tried to fall asleep. Very early in the morning and still not having been able to sleep, I decided to leave. I’m sorry for Hunt and Raven to walk out like this and I hope they didn’t have too much planned for the morning.

Not really knowing where to go, I went back home in the hope to find some peace but even here I wasn’t able to sleep. What was I even thinking, this place feels so tainted especially now. At least I remember him being happier in the times we shared here but there were also his breakdowns, they actually scared me. I wonder if he ever had to deal with these after he pushed me away since they always seemed to have been related to us being together or the likely hood of us getting separated.

Here we are in the morning and still not having had any sleep, I guess I’ll just go for a jog and see where I end up. I’m actually considering of getting rid of this place as I’m hardly here anyway…