Mind Corruption

[Lennox]

23st of June 820 A.S.: Omicrons; depression
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02:32: "I couldn't do it... something is holding me back every time I look into the mirror. Who am I... what am I? All those lives lost... yet I struggle to punish myself for it? There's nothing left to live for, so why... am I getting held back. There's no way someone like me could ever seek redemption, right? No, obviously not. Why am I even thinking about this..? I ruined countless people's lives... so why should I deserve to live? Why can't I do it..?!"

04:22: "Every minute, every second... it feels like an eternity. Is this the kind of torture I deserve? Seeing all their faces time and time again, while reliving every last moment..? Why... death is simple compared to this, isn't it. Heh, typical. Trying to look for an easy way out, eh? No..."

04:59: "There's no... easy way out. I just can't do it... my body just freezes. It should be so easy to just pull the trigger... but no, it's not. Won't budge. I don't know how much time passed since the last entry... and frankly, I don't want to know. The less I think about it, the better... screw this.. why won't it stop already. Why can't I just die... I know it's the easy way out... but I don't want to relive every single moment again! I know what I did was wrong... but there's no way in hell I could ever make amends for it. No. Way. So let me do it already!"

05:15: "Feels like several hours later. But it's not. It's bloody f****** not! I left the station long time ago, away from that place. But it didn't help. Nothing helps! Am I meant to experience all this pain over and over again..? Why can't there be an end?! Their faces... their threads just... severed. Then... why am I so firmly clinging to this blade... I shouldn't.. need this anymore. Ever..."

05:48: "I've finally become suicidal, eh? That was... fast, relatively spoken. Always carrying a clock around with me now... for whatever reason. I tried to pay in blood... like some of these... guides told me on the neural net. Complete nonsense... but at least I've received some physical sort of pain... something I can deal with way better than with these... painful memories. It's distracting... for some time, until I get used to it. Just... have to make sure I don't die yet... not before I really paid for what I've done..."