A dissimilar Journal

[SeaFalcon]

Entry: . 006

Date: 19 06 823

User: .. Inge Wexler
Pass: .. ******

Subject: A clean slate

My trust is obviously broken and I am having a hard time to act normal when being around anyone really. To try and prove my worthy and show them that I didn’t plan on leaving even when they didn’t trust me anymore, I decided to work hard. I patrolled more even when I lacked the sleep for it, an irresponsible thing to do but I couldn’t shake the thoughts of them actually acting on the believes that I was an agent. Could it all really end like this where they’d backstab me and believe Noah’s word over mine? After all this time I still can’t properly read Hunt, would he really do such a thing?

They were right though about some things, I wasn’t always honest with them and these lies could possibly break more than I’d wish for. It was time to act on it and tell Hunt the truth about me, this hopefully would restore some trust between us and make me working for them more comfortable as the constant reminders of what Noah did to me weren’t really helping my focus. Ever since he’s been around Auxesia I keep being reminded about that one day, the nightmares returned as well but it’s something I’ll have to deal with since he joined our ranks and thus will be around pretty much every day from now on.

As for the lunch with Hunt, it went well and I was able to say what I wanted to say. He seemed to be listening and also understood my point of view. Now he knows Aiden and Norman were the same figure, I loved him and tried to be with him at all cost so I lied to everyone except for Noah because at the time I trusted him with this information. Norman had to lay low because of a personal attack against him. I respected this and went with him as he changed his name and identity. He became Aiden and a new friend to Miri while Norman was missing. It pains me that I am still responsible for breaking our relationship. I loved being with him as he appeared to be the only one I could truly trust in this universe yet I was the one to break this trust due to the events surrounding Noah. Norman wasn’t the same anymore after I confessed about what happened between me and Noah. I don’t blame him, it all was my own fault after all.

In the end the lunch with Hunt was nice, I felt relieved and able again. Yet there was still Raven who didn’t truly trust me and I could feel the tension when patrolling. She seemed to be more on edge around me, asked me where my patrols were headed and so on. Obviously they were around the bordering systems. I wonder if Noah joined the first patrol to check if I was actually following all the regulations and not making any suspicious talks or stops along the way. God, I wish they would just believe me.

Now I'm back in my bunk and probably in for another sleepless night.