Mind Corruption

[Lennox]

30th of October 820 A.S.: Omegas; expected shortage
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06:01: "Second phase of withdrawal symptoms kicked in. Been too long since I took my last dose. Everything inside me screams death, wants to pull me onto my knees and beg for a swift end. All that's keeping me above ground right now is you... my dear. As well as the memories about Eleven. I will stand my ground as long as possible. If I don't and things get worse, I will end it. I've made up my mind, for once. There won't be a repeat of the past, and I won't give in. Even if it gets harder by the minute, I've been through this already. I... won't... falter..." Heavy coughs can be heard before the recording abruptly cuts off.

06:44: "I have no idea how much time passed already. It's like last time. Everything slows down around me. Even if my data pad shows me the time... that's impossible, right? All this struggle, and for what? Just so I can continue my criminal life up to this point? How can someone beyond redemption actually redeem himself? So many questions... and nobody can answer them. I hate this f***ing drug!"

07:37: "According to the display, it's barely one hour after the last entry. Heh, this f***ing sucks. Feels like hell's trying to pull me in... slowly grabbing my feet. Such darkness... loneliness as well. How could I become this pathetic? Is it fate that I'm enduring this? Is this the will of my fallen comrades, those I couldn't protect? Is it the uproar of all the people on Toledo screaming at me for my inability to prevent harm from coming to them? They're not wrong. I've come to accept this. Everybody would complain if their threads were pulled apart in the way I saw it. It's... heartbreaking, but perhaps that's good..? After all, someone like me doesn't deserve that healthy spot in one's chest. Not after all that happened. There's no way..."

08:00: "One hour and fifty-nine minutes after initial recording. It still... hurts like hell. And still, my senses don't numb down like they usually should. I've come to accept that there's only two ways for me right now. One of which I already chose before any of this was even recorded. I will hold on as long as possible, for god knows-what reason. And once it becomes impossible to bear, I'll commit to this. Seppuku. Maybe then I'll feel what it means to be alive. Even if just for a short time... I will wait. Until then..."

14:06: "I'm still... alive. So far, longer than expected. The reason for this entry is simple. I was found by several people in the abandoned part of the station. Didn't think they would, heh. Funnily enough, they decided to leave me here. No idea what they were trying to achieve, but from the looks of it, they were your usual kind of scrap hunters, out for a quick profit. We... talked. And apparently they were going to call someone. Heh, it's not like I can move much at this point. Or rather, try to avoid it... since every single strain feels like a sting to the very heart of my bones. I wonder how much longer it'll last..."

18:42: Heavy coughs and breathing can be heard, the voice sounding erratic and generally pained. "B-bastards... I s-should have known. That idiot they t-talked about..." More coughs can be heard. "... turns out he was somehow related to.. to the p-people I killed on Nine. Held a package of cardamine right in front of my face..." The coughs intensify, seemingly becoming more painful. "...he opened it, scattered it thro-...through the entirety of the room. H-he.. laughed his ass off as I... crawled after it...It.. it dispersed way too quickly... I could only get a few particles from it, I c-could feel it... in the end, it doesn't matter. This'll... will be my gr-grave. M-my last message to who-whoever the f*** will listen to this. Please forget about me... about this pathetic being that calls himself a human...