Mind Corruption

[Lennox]

22nd of November 820 A.S.: Unknown; steadfast thread
____________________________________________________________________________________

12:21: The voice heard is weak but steady. "It's all just a blur. What happened? I thought I had killed myself. But instead, everything feels so warm around me. Is it all just an illusion? To fool me into thinking that this is heaven, while in reality the warmth I feel are the fires of hell slowly gaining up on me? Who knew that I'd think about it that way, I've really grown weak, haven't I? But... it all feels so alive, so real. And nobody is giving me odd looks. What's up with that? I figured out by now that I'm in a hospital, but why? Did they listen to my recordings? I've just gotten the device back... and everybody acts like there is nothing going on. They'll probably come for me soon, to try and capture me once and for all. And I'm here stuck in this bed, unable to move. Tch... doesn't feel so bad, knowing that justice will finally find its way to me... finally."

14:51: "I've been told what happened, against all odds. Took quite a bit of convincing, but I was able to see through one of the doctor's expression. He seemed very pained when just looking at me. A different sort of expression, unrelated to hatred or bias. He is one of the older people around but he spoke wisdom. He... had relatives on Eleven, and for some reason, he seemed familiar. So I asked him why he didn't hate me for it. To my surprise, he said that those things can't be changed anymore. What a moron, though. Why would he care? What did I ever do apart from killing his family that makes me worth for redemption. Is this why my body and mind held on for so long? Because both knew the chance was there? Bulls***, we all know what will become of me. Even if he says all that, it won't change a thing. I'll still be either executed or locked up for the rest of my life in some abandoned place, like the place I thought would be my grave."

16:03: "I'm tired. But felt like I had to make this entry, given that I forgot to mention several things in the previous recording. Apparently, they found me in the abandoned section of that station, impaled. I remember the pain, although, it felt way less satisfying than I originally thought. I was on the verge of death when they had found me. Who, he didn't want to say, but they brought me here. Hell, I don't even know if I'm still on the same station or if I've been moved. But the date suggests that I was out for quite a while. So, it wouldn't surprise me if I am somewhere else now. He also told me that I don't need to worry about my addiction for the time I'm here. How nice, perhaps I can even buy some, once leaving again. But who am I kidding, I probably won't leave any time soon. I hear the people talk. They worry a lot. It won't be long until they make an example out of me. To both show that criminals won't get away with their actions, as well as satisfying those who lost their dearest friends and family. It's only logical... and reasonable. Yet, I still feel this hole in my stomach. I can't let go of these thoughts. The remorse, pain and their screams. Especially their screams..." The voice grows quieter, followed by deep sigh. "Part of me still wants to live on... experience the future. But if anything, I'm not one to deserve that."

21:59: "I just woke up again. I swear, the more time I spend here, the more tired I get. Have I been sentenced to death already? Is it just a matter of time until I pass out to never wake up again? Screw that, who would want to die like that? I have no problem with being executed, but putting me through more of this self-induced torture?" A deep sigh can be heard. "I suppose I do deserve that. They should probably neglect my cardamine supply, if they really want to see me suffer. I still don't understand why there's not been an attempt like that yet. I'm ready to die, I already was before. But for some reason, they're holding their feelings back. I can see it in their eyes. The same blank stare as all those times before. I didn't realize it at first but it's becoming more apparent. They want me gone, for good. And in time, I will grant their wish. I have no choice..."