A dissimilar Journal

[SeaFalcon]

Entry: . 010

Date: 13 07 823

User: .. Inge Wexler
Pass: .. ******

Subject: Vacation is nearing its end

I’m still on Gran Canaria and things have settled somewhat but there have also been some annoyances but first the nice things of the vacation here. I adore this planet and I don’t mind the cold that they are predicting for the future, it reminds me of Berlin where I grew up. I love the freezing temperature and got a good taste of it when joining a group of hikers. We went up the mountain to walk to a Glacier, the view was awesome and the group was nice, we had some simple chats. Although I again felt like pretending to be Miri rather than Inge. The lies came out swiftly still and I actually felt content, almost jealous about Miri’s life. Sure she had a rough past but right now she was care free and with friends.

As for myself, well, to be very blunt. The thing between me and Derek isn’t working out. I really did think he was honest when he confessed his love to me but I couldn’t just say the same in return. I felt that I didn’t know him well enough yet but he did make me happy and I did my very best to make him feel at home around me as I didn’t want to just lose him to someone else. I was content with how things were for now, we met here and there and things were fun. He visited me here as well and we talked about our situation. However I still didn’t feel ready to tell him I loved him, I want to be sure about this. I explained to him many times why I was so hesitant and he told me he understood but obviously he didn’t since my hesitation made him run off with someone else.

Apparently he can’t wait for a week or month and give me the time to settle my thoughts. He was already looking for other opportunities, other women he could spent his time with and ran away from him after getting a call of this Nesrin having a seizure of sorts. I’m confident he could’ve taken a moment to at least tell me good bye but no, he had to run off in all haste. When this happened I knew I wasn’t his prime concern anymore it changed to Nesrin, whoever she is. I guess I should be glad that this ended sooner rather than later as it revealed Derek's actual interests and that they are hardly matching his words. He’s not patient at all and if he can’t wait for me now then it’s better to just let go of him completely.

Is there really no one out there that cares about me and what I say? Raven is leaving now as well so yay me, that means Hunt will be busier than ever. Not that this matters that much, we are hardly actual friends with this amount of distrust between us. I mean, I still believe that they are buying Noah’s lies about being an agent. Even Derek was convinced of that and I was pretty convinced myself that he wouldn’t believe a word of Noah, at least by how e was behaving, so it had to have come from Hunt and/or Raven.

There is that then, no more friends, no more social drama. Now I just have to focus on ridding myself of these nightmares. Oh right, I can’t even do my job straight without freaking out when Nomads are involved and considering this is one of our prime tasks.

Perhaps it’s time just to call it quits…