[Feedback Thread] A Nest of Vipers

[Venture]

This is the feedback thread for A Nest of Vipers, another storyline in my main discovery character's story, (Who's been active since 2011).
The character was a generic faction character in the beginning when I had finally created a forum account and joined the =LSF=, however the character's story grew tremendously with many different RP roles, (Lambda, Task Force Carentan, Project Menace, Hoover base, etc) leading me to make him into a major RP project.

I was writing Beyond The Light back when I wasn't too serious, so it is just a bit of shabby work, I don't even think people make backstories anymore. A Nest of Vipers is my first serious fully-fledged RP project. My character was left inactive in Rheinland back when I had stopped logging for a year and a half, (a part of project menace) the liberty civil war set the perfect stage for my character to return to liberty and witness the state of chaos it is in currently.

So I don't really want to post links to dozens of message dumps and stuff but here's the links to:

Project Lambda (Yes yes I know R.I.P grammar and punctuation)
and
A Nest Of Vipers

A quick summary of my character's late to present storyline:

Task Force Carentan is a success and LSF now has decent intel of the Tau and Outer Gallic space. This resulted in a successful rescue of Adrienne Perry, the director of Tactical Operations Department, who was held prisoner for a period of 3-4 years. The Task Force encounters a small squadron of Gallic Navy fighters about 2 weeks later, their fight was interrupted by a K'hara encounter which led to a lot of questioning, Daniel (my character) requested discharge from the task force which was granted. He returned to Ellesmere and joined the R&D department working alongside Charles Manson and the Logistics department to create Project Lambda, which was supposed to bring the LSF Recon Cruiser project out of the dead-end it was stuck in for years. The end result was a prototype grizzly armed with advanced weaponry and EMP/Cloaking tech, the project got heralded as a success and no efforts were made to improve.

Now, a year before Disharmony:

Elijah Wood (former LSF director) creates Project Menace, reveals no details to anyone and only hand-picks several agents from various departments to take part in it. John Major (commander of Task Force carentan) creates a terror group who would operate within Rheinland side by side with the Unioners and the Hessians, it was called 'Red Cell'. Daniel was invited to Project Menace too but he discovered the motives behind it and quickly requested transfer to the RC13 (Red Cell). Where he worked with other agents to orchestrate terror attacks throughout Rheinland.

2 weeks before Disharmony:

RC13 engages in a series of missions of which most were disasterous failures, the group gets compromised suffers a series of raids. (BDM is not aware of them being related to LSF, nor is the Bundestag). Daniel escapes the fray and tumbles around Rheinland and the Sigmas taking 2 weeks to reach Ames, he has no contact with HQ so he hails what he presumes to be a 'LSF Patrol of 3 ships', he gets attacked by the Liberty Navy in their attempt to arrest him, but he evades and escapes.

Daniel is now on a alternative and a 'safer' route back to Ellesmere.


Any feedback to the story is much appreciated and will be quite helpful in improving my storytelling skills.

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A Nest of Vipers