Obey and die.

[Xing]

As usual, ever morning we ran a good 5km of mountainous trail in the woods surrounding L-15 base. It was a harsh exercise, mentally as well as physically since we had to force ourselves (or get forced out by our sergeant) to wake up at 0500 on an empty stomach, go outside battling against an environment not yet warmed up by the rising sun. In some of the worst days, we would even be accompanied by a few centimetre of snow that would have fallen during the night despite the planet being in its summer season.

However, my fiery avenging passion gave whatever my mind needed to get this daily session done. As always, I would run in the front row, leading the pace with the older male recruits in athletic condition, at the disappointment of Aurelia who would have preferred to have some chatter in those few moments where we were relatively free to talk to each other. I merely shrugged such concern off; my training was much more important than socialising even if I did took a certain liking for the older girl she still wouldnt fit my description of friend yet anyway.

After what, we would go back to have our breakfast, nothing really impressive of course, since we were in such a remote base where every food you took was made to be practical, with taste barely holding any real importance in the menu. And with this substantial feeding, we were headed back to resume our basic military training.

It might have just been me, (though I doubted so), but my sergeant has been gradually rougher on me specifically. It didnt matter too much up to now, as my soul took on these supplementary tasks with pride, nearly defiance. As it was, my need for vengeance alone was enough to push me beyond my limits. But despite the best efforts to consider things in a fair way, Elwin always seemed to force me in doing more.

All right everyone, 50 push ups. 928, I want you to do 20 supplementary.

He didnt even try to come out with a reason! Everyone seemed to wonder what was going on as we set ourselves on our belly and started working our arms with groans of effort. At my 70th push up, my arms were already shaky, sweating hard. It was nearly the end of the day, and we did much more physical training than usual. And I, specifically under my sergeants order, did even more than everyone else. I groaned in pain as Elwin suddenly kicked on my backpack, forcing me to stand on my back. I panted, closing my eyes, feeling dizzy, the kind of impression you get when you are about to vomit. Yet, my hand still held strongly at my rifle, and that made the sergeant smile as he noticed I didnt cracked yet.
Not yet.

I wasnt in a very good mood after these days of abusive over work, and had to use much of my will power to restrain myself from complaining.
Elwin, after staring a long while in my eyes, turned away to face the rest of the group.

Good. Everyone to the 10km trail. 928, what are you doing still seating on the ground, get up, now! He added the last few words harshly. I quickly lifted myself up, the backpack feeling like it weighted tons on my shoulders, as I received another kick, not too strong, forcing me to rise faster.

We walked in formation to the trail, and began jogging without much enthusiasm while bearing all our heavy equipment with us, my rifle feeling like a block of concrete in my arms.

I saw Aurelia running to join me by my side as we ran, looking worried.
What have you done to turn him like that?! she asked
I have no idea I replied, perhaps a bit too coldly, as I distanced myself from the woman, heading toward the leading row as usual. Exhaust wasnt an excuse to drag the leg, especially when everyone was.
I produced a small sigh, frowning in despair as we reached the first hill. We climbed it with dark mood, our already aching legs enduring a real martyr And our first kilometre wasnt even done yet. For once, I truly was wondering what was I doing there, being ordered around by this strange sergeant. Just a few days ago he was being so nice toward me
What did I do? Or was he merely trying to lower me down to the level of the others; after all, I do exceed against everyone else of the section so far, right? What was so bad in this?

Thinking of this made me want to cry, but as I did so many time during my youth, I forced my tears back. It wasnt the time to show emotions, as I forced myself to stay in the lead position. Elwin didnt seemed too surprised to see me leading the group however hard I tried, I could never catch up with him, who was in fact the true lead of the section on the trails. Yet, he remained enigmatically silent despite my questioning stare.

It took us nearly 3 hours to our dead legs to finish the run, and by then I didnt even felt my legs anymore so much I used them. I felt definitively disgusting as well, my uniform literally soaked in my sweat. I was going to need the best shower of my life this night
My proud heart couldnt unfortunately command to my whole body, and I crumbled on my kness, the supplementary exercises Elwin made me do effectively making me fall on the ground like a mass. I felt the stare of all on me, and felt once again ashamed of my own weakness, becoming the center of the attention like an exotic show off animal
My best effort to stand up were vain as groaned in frustration.

I didnt ordered to sit, 928. Elwin said, looking down upon me with this total lack of emotion. Yet, I couldnt help, my body was controlled by itself now, and it wanted a good shower followed by a soft bed. Otherwise, it refused to cooperate.
Probably the reason why I looked back at him with such a venomous stare before looking away, but probably too late.

Too late.

The night has already fallen, and I could only see the eyes of my sergeant, staring at me coldly. He turned around, abandoning me in the darkness for a few moment, and I felt relieved to be out of his attention, even for a few seconds. His gaze alone held you captive the man was truly impressive.

Everyone, head back to base in formation. I knew he excluded me from this order. I wouldnt have been able to move much anyway, my legs still in need of some rest.

He finally turned toward me, when everyone left, and knelt down upon my trembling body. I tried once again to stand, but unable to do so, pathetically falling down on my knees. All the muscles of my body burned in protest, but nonetheless, I requested my mind to be ready for whatever sergeant Elwin was going to throw at me.

The man sighed, looking disappointed (for what?), even sounding nearly sorry. But his voice came back cold as it has always been since the beginning of the hellish week.

50 push ups. He simply said ordered.

I clenched my teeth together and forced my arms to crawl into position, and then, as my hands stood on the harsh rocky ground, worked my body up and down. At the 47th, my hand suddenly slipped on my rifle which was kept under my right hand (possibly the most important protocol: never leave your weapon out of your reach), and as I fell down hard on my face, I emitted a small surprised scream. Elwin said nothing as I resumed the 3 remaining.

50 more for falling down.

Despite all the burning avenging strength I used to fuel myself, I somehow knew it hit a limit and I felt this strength I thought to be invincible dim within me. But I refused to abandon, and steeling my mind, forced myself doing 50 perfectly
Until, after rising up for the 50th time, I failed to control my body and fell down on the ground, unable to handle anymore. And without a warning, Elwin immediately kicked viciously my rifle off my hand during these few seconds of inattention, sending it flying a few meters away. Ignoring the pain I felt in my hand, I reacted immediately and crawled toward the weapon, not thrusting my legs yet.

Thats 50 more for the non-respect of a primary consign.

That was it. Unable to stop, I began crying silently as I tried to lift my body one more time, and failed again, my shivering body having had enough of it, dead exhausted. I sobbed there my resignation, my failure, a sweating body in a soaked, dirtied uniform on the ground.

Can you accept defeat now? Elwis voice was softer, and as I lifted my head to look at him through my tear-blurred eyes, I saw he had abandoned his sergeants role for the moment. I knew, just by the look, that for the moment, he wasnt sir, but merely Elwin, the kind man Ive met for two days during leave time, the wise veteran soldier in his early thirties.
Why! I asked, nearly a scream of despair between two sob, clawing on the ground my frustration.
The man sighed, and sat down on the ground next to me. I was glad he didnt showed any pity in his now compassionate stare, never extending a hand to help me. My honour was safe, and somehow he respected that without my need to say so.
I had to. Your vengeance desire makes your body surpass your comrades by a long measure, you are so concentrated and relying on it, defeat isnt even an option to you anymore. And I thought I explained to you rather well back at L-9, didnt I? He said, his voice a caress to my broken soul.
Dont you see what your arrogance is leading you to? Your vengeance has become your priority; I doubt you even recall why you are going in such a crusade anymore. You are trying to become a slaughter machine, which doesnt need anything anymore, not even your own comrades. Ive seen you turn down their invitation at friendship. Youve been polite, you smile, but when it goes further, you are an impenetrable fortress.
You probably think you suffered enough to be above all that. And even though I have nothing to complain on your discipline yet, thats whats coming up next. Isabelle, in your actual state of mind I wouldnt trust you on a battlefield. I know, if you saw the object of your revenge, no order could possibly restrain you then.

I was still lying, crying when I finally decided to sit up, my arms weakly supporting my body off the ground. I was so confused, I wasnt even sure if I understood a single word of what my sergeant said. My head told me something while my heart wanted something else. As if reading my thoughts, Elwin smiled softly to me, comforting me a bit.
For the moment, just remember my words. Think about it tomorrow. He looked around, in the darkness of the mountain night. Here, far away from civilisation, it felt as if they were truly alone, the bunker of L-15 being hidden behind a hill. In such a solemn place, I thought, Elwins words did hit me with a strong impact.

He got up, and looked upon me.
Also remember. You are now in a team. We are your new family you must integrate yourself in it, and obey to our command. One of the many unwritten rules of the military states there is no such thing as a lone wolf in the army.

I stayed on the ground a little while longer before I had enough energy to walk back to base, relying on shaky legs. Elwin walked next to me all the while, never extending a hand to help, but always there in my back to support me were I to fall. I knew then, when he said a family, he was being quite serious.
Elwin was like a second father to me, powerful and wise, severe and soft.

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