So many things happened lately, both positive and negative ones, that I won't be able to list them all here. Neither I want to, to be honest. The question rather is, why the hell do I actually write these logs that bring all the bad thoughts of mine back to my mind?
First of all, it should be mentioned I am now part of a mercenary group, called "The Forlorn Hope". It's been a great experience so far, without a doubt, being able to fly with Nick and Sarah together more often, but frankly, I can't be so happy about that right now. Because I messed a lot of things up...
One thing that I messed up are my relationships for example. For a while now I've been looking at how Nick tried to flirt with me, definitely showing some interest towards me. And to be honest, I was enjoying our chats really much, as well as his overall company. He's a nice man, one of the few exceptions to the overall weirdness in Liberty. Still, I don't think anything more than a more or less deep friendship will ever be between us, and that's what he doesn't understand I believe. On the other hand, I've got myself into the flirtation with him, so only I can be blamed not making it clear enough who I would choose in the end ...
... and that's John Armada. He's still the one I'm admiring, and that won't change. Him I met as well yesterday, but it was overshadowed by the fact I messed up once more - what a surprise, right? I really didn't necessarilly have my lucky day. This time, it was about another friend of mine, Iona Taylor, researcher of the ORG. I got quite verbally aggressive towards a police officer when he went to chase her out of Liberty, as I had heard many different Navy officers allowing her to stay, therefore I judged the actions of the police as unjustified and simply wrong. Doing this - especially offering Iona to help her -, I gambled with the reputation of the Forlorn Hope and its others members, an act I feel deeply sorry for.
And it's a reason Nick will be shouting at me even more. I deserved it though, I guess. Playing with him like he is a toy, and messing up that way, he's got all the reasons to be upset about me. In fact, I feel so ashamed I cannot even look into the mirror anymore without an urge to vomit. Anyways, while I don't know what will be coming in the future, I do hope our friendship won't break apart just because of it.
Oh, and side note. I visited an ancient Nomad installation, went on board and saw it was inhabited by humans. Interesting, right? I thought so! On other days, I would go so much more into detail about how awesome this adventure was, but right now, I just don't feel like it.
