I know, I know, don't hate on me for forgetting about this log, I have to admit I wasn't quite aware anymore this actually existed, probably because I was rather busy the last weeks. Anyways, I've digged you out again, my dear log, cause I need a shoulder to cry on once more. Exactly, the usual business, you could already see it coming, don't you? To be honest though, I'm kind of tired writing everything in here though, maybe I should consider reprogramming you to a voice log anytime soon. Would be a lot easier probably, even though I guess I'd babble far too much. You know, when I start talking, I won't stop, that's the problem.
Anyways, I've been succesfully avoiding the topic already. When I woke up this morning, I had memories of quite a weird dream. The problem is - I had exact memories of what happened, which makes me wondering how much of it was actually a dream. I can remember Troy Augustin, the latest addition to our organization, offering me to dinner, something I accepted as I wanted to learn more about him, his past and his skills, like, bonding and all that stuff. Maybe I shouldn't have accepted, considering what happened.
It all went smooth at first, that was when we realized we were apparently in a restaurant that encouraged private sphere and therefore ... various things I ain't gonna name explicitly to you, you know what I'm talking about. And this "private sphere" seemed to arouse Troy quite a bit ... too much, to be honest. And I fool made a terrible mistake, again. At least I realized it was a mistake somewhere in between 'it', backing off immediately, I guess that's what I should cling to in order to not grow desperate completely. The last thing I can remember was me blackouting when I screamed and shouted around and called him a pervert. See, so much clear memories, this has never been a dream, it has been and will always be reality. As much as I'd love to deny my responsiblity, that is.
My god, I'm playing with my love. I swear, this is never going to happen again, never. And I ain't gonna talk about it. Sh** happens, and a mistake has been made, but there's no use in telling anybody about it now. It would cause even more harm, and not only to me, but to other people as well. I will have to stand through that myself, if I want or not.
