Had he known Elena only a little better, Doc would have probably pursued another tactic to make sure she would not do anything she was not ready for. But what he did instead was definitely not the cleverest of moves. Elena perhaps seemed withdrawn, introverted – which she truly was, worried about what was to come in the following hours, and still pestered by the memories that had by now decided to turn up at her mind’s doorsteps again -, but she was still herself. And so did she counter in her typical fashion. She retreated a little as he placed his hand on her shoulder, but not too much, and shot her head back to eye him. It was hard to tell anything out of her eyes, but it surely was an unpleasant stare she gave him, at the same time pursing her mouth. Then she opened it. Her voice somewhat constrained and loud. “Listen, we talked about it yesterday, didn’t we? Today we’ll walk up there, and have a look at those orphans. I don’t see a reason to not pull that through.” In essence, her hardheaded demeanor was showing again. It did not matter anymore whether she wanted to meet these children or not, she just wanted to get through with it. She did not want to retreat, not anymore. She had, in fact, retreated far too often already, she realized as she kept looking at him.
She broke the long-lasting eye contact, looked back at the table and her cup of coffee standing upon it. After a silent sigh she raked her fingers through her hair, with her elbows resting on the tabletop. It didn’t take long until it came to her mind that she probably was getting far too worked up on all of it again, but she could not help it really. She sighed again, this time louder than before, and felt how her breathing became more hectic again, so she put emphasis on in- and exhaling slowly and calmly more. She turned to him again, this time with a facial play that one could almost call soft.
“I’m sorry,” she said with quiet voice, resting her chin on the palm of her hand, trying to keep herself under control – in partial success. Whether she was ready or not to visit that camp was of no importance. She simply had to be. “But I feel like I should go through with it, no matter if it’s gonna be easy or not. I’ve tried the other approach, the one with not doing anything about it, for the last few months. And look what that helped me. Nothing at all.” Her voice turned more decisive all of a sudden, after she had tossed back the rest of her coffee in one go. “That being said, I’d prefer it if we went there sooner than later.” She showed him a small smile. It was difficult to judge how much of it was for real and how much artificial.
