Twofold Longing

[Stefan]

- "So, what are you going to do about it?" - She was trying to liven up the conversation.
- "Wish I knew." - He was not.

The waitress came by again, this time with Curacao Leaf Rolls and Cinnamon Attle Bread.

- "The options aren't that many." - He stated as he broke a piece of bread. - "And I don't wanna sound like the Seraphim work has been an issue, because it hasn't. I mean, it's an area of new expertise, but for the most part I have been able to do my own thing on occasion."
- "That's part of the problem, isn't it?" - Conversation usually deviated like that for Brahms, first he stated a positive, than quickly went on about it's negatives.

He just smiled - both because the scent of Attle Bread reminded him of Stuttgart and because she was right.

- "I haven't been able to keep my distance from politics that well."

As the conversation floated on, the lighting starting changing considerably. The station local time was nearing Six PM, and with their systems primed to simulate sunsets both sat under a mixture of vermilion and purple by now.

- "Most of the die-hard Zoners I've spoken to share this stance of extreme distance from house relations, no matter which one. Most rationalize and explain this outlook with their own experiences, which is fair, I mean, some people just want a way to get away from everything and everyone else and start again."
- "But - for God's sake - not you." - She laid forward, discreetly taking a bite of one of the Curacao Rolls.
- "There's... too much people that I care for. You. Mother. I'd be remiss not to mention a few friends in odd places as well."

He meant Annika, but was trying to keep the DWR topic out of this conversation - thankfully, it was not picked up.

- "... and so I find myself at these odd crossroads, where I am supposed to act normally nearby certain individuals that..."
- "Have questionable background."
- "Exactly. It's been obnoxiously hard to keep it up. Were the Outcasts and Corsairs not enough, Gallia is right around the corner, the Hogosha haven't changed a bit, and you have extreme nationalists left and right - from the Unioners to the Xenos - trying to justify civilian casualties with nonsense talk."

Knowing he wasn't one to act like that with anyone else, Cerys let her brother take a second to collect himself before picking the topic up.

- "It's not easy, right? Diplomatic work tires me already, I only imagine what being a passerby does to your old bones." - She smiled at the obvious joke as he let the humor sink in a little.
- "It's indeed tiring." - He took a deep breath as he shifted on the chair. Now supporting his head with a closed fist, Brahms inclined himself towards the window. - "You mix the desire to respect your patrons outlook with the instinct to do more and you have this discomfort I feel right now."
- "Why don't you start your own thing then."

She cleaned her lips and hands carefully before endorsing the obvious point. The German just kept his silence, looking at her.

- "I mean it. You may not have every connection readily available, but trying is something anyone should be allowed to. You have financial stability, your outlooks in worker rights and independence, so what's the worst that can happen. Failure?"

Risking a monologue, she went on.

- "Look, I'm not going to pretend I know what I am talking about - you were always on a better position than I ever was to ever make these choices, but I know you. Once you put your mind towards something, it's done. Unless you find a way to work this out, these feelings of distress won't let you be - or have you forgotten Gateway, Samura and Interspace?"

There was a small pause on the discussion, as their beer had finally arrived and both of them took their time to savor it.

- "Maybe you'll fail - maybe you won't. I'm sure that the process of making a name will be a steep climb, but even if others decide you're not their material, won't you be doing your own thing? Isn't that what you've been wanting to?"
- "It still is. The problem is fitting a bill, finding a market, which is something I have not been able to do yet."
- "Well, consider this. You just barely mentioned extremists - do you think everyone shares that energy?"
- "What do you mean?"
- "Everyone starts somewhere, Brahms. You sure isn't there a market for newcomers on Sirius? New people. Underdogs. Even independents?"
- "That's the closest you've gotten to the idea I have been entertaining, to be perfectly honest with you."

Brahms smiled.

- "The sight of common folk moving through lanes in silence, right and left is a common one, but most don't see a problem in this." - He added.
- "You don't need to please everyone, Brahms, I'm sure you know that."
- "I end up forgetting it on occasion."