The Dark Journal

[Nyctophilia]

Date - 11.12.825 A.S.
Location - Freeport 11
Log Author - "Nyctophilia"

Almost a month since my last record. Don't know if it's bad or good. Maybe neither.
Well... I've been spending my last days mostly in New London and it's surrounding systems, spectating the war. My task is... Relatively easy. There's no prevailing side in the conflict thus far.
But how was it reflecting on me, that's the other story. People are consumed by the conflict, all they have on their mind is war. And I've even seen Aoi showing up out there, fighting against Gauls. Even if I got used to be alone for all these years, for the first time in my life, I felt... Abandoned. Even with all these people surrounding me, I was lonely. Something was missing...
So I went back to the Omicrons, leaving my Falcon in a remote control. And She was there, as always.
Our... First meeting didn't go as good. And I'm blaming my absence in the Houses. But then, when we met for the second time, everything went quite smoother.

Code:

[11.12.2018 01:41:25] Nyctophilia: The more peaceful place...
[11.12.2018 01:41:27] Vagrant.Melia: "Satisfaction."
[11.12.2018 01:42:53] Nyctophilia: Yeah... About the last time. It was... One of a few options I considered. And plus, an effect of me being surrounded by war...
[11.12.2018 01:43:03] Nyctophilia: Kinda forgot how it is to be in peace.
[11.12.2018 01:43:54] Vagrant.Melia: "The Sparkling Raiders are brave. They lept into the deeper voids, and hunted many."
[11.12.2018 01:44:23] Nyctophilia: They are indeed. But oftenly they forget how it is to be human. Much like K'Haras.
[11.12.2018 01:44:43] Vagrant.Melia: "We saw them break many shells in spite of the strong force against them."
[11.12.2018 01:45:21] Vagrant.Melia: "If chaos within the darkness is their present goal, they are achieving it."
[11.12.2018 01:45:53] Vagrant.Melia: "Yet, we concur. It is not the way of peace."
[11.12.2018 01:46:23] Nyctophilia: Then it's a relatively easy goal to achieve.
[11.12.2018 01:47:42] Nyctophilia: Relatively, yes. But it is simple. Darkness tends to self-destruct, and maintaining this tendency... Might be complex.
[11.12.2018 01:47:46] Nyctophilia: And might be simple.
[11.12.2018 01:48:54] Nyctophilia: They're all ultimately commited to this cause, however. And I oftenly don't know what they anticipate in result. Do they even?
[11.12.2018 01:49:00] Vagrant.Melia: "The Light gains when the darkness is disturbed. Yet it is a waste of minds which may otherwise be purified."
[11.12.2018 01:50:33] Vagrant.Melia: "Worthy minds unfound which are ended."
[11.12.2018 01:50:39] Nyctophilia: Waste of minds cannot be afforded.
[11.12.2018 01:51:47] Vagrant.Melia: "The blessed one will require companions, in time."
[11.12.2018 01:52:07] Nyctophilia: If there are people who can really think with their own head, they cannot be afforded to be wasted.
[11.12.2018 01:52:37] Nyctophilia: If people can't think, or don't want, which is their own choice... How sad it wouldn't be, there is no other outcome.
[11.12.2018 01:53:07] Nyctophilia: By that, they prefer to heed the other's words than make their own conclusions.
[11.12.2018 01:53:13] Vagrant.Melia: "Disappointment. Darklings are stubborn. Unwilling to abandon hatred. Unwilling to listen."
[11.12.2018 01:53:54] Nyctophilia: Some seek to.
[11.12.2018 01:54:24] Nyctophilia: Some are forced by circumstances.
[11.12.2018 01:55:15] Nyctophilia: Some don't have any sense about hatred and are completely pure.
[11.12.2018 01:55:20] Nyctophilia: Like Kimi.
[11.12.2018 01:55:26] Vagrant.Melia: "This we have seen."
[11.12.2018 01:56:27] Nyctophilia: Some don't have any sense about anything else but hatred.
[11.12.2018 01:57:48] Nyctophilia: Our nature is very, very complex. In the same time, it is an interesting one. It might be disgusting to some, but...
[11.12.2018 01:58:52] Nyctophilia: Our individuality has it's own purpose. As everything else.
[11.12.2018 01:59:53] Vagrant.Melia: "A mind of one nature cannot effectively adapt."
[11.12.2018 02:01:26] Nyctophilia: That's why picking is the most fun part.
[11.12.2018 02:06:02] Nyctophilia: Not up for a game?... Looks like something's up on your mind...
[11.12.2018 02:06:46] Vagrant.Melia: "We ponder."
[11.12.2018 02:06:58] Nyctophilia: Yeah, you look a bit contemplative.
[11.12.2018 02:07:32] Watch: [:WARNING: Ion Interferance Detected!:]
[11.12.2018 02:09:52] Nyctophilia: Wew. You're thinking too heavy.
[11.12.2018 02:11:03] Nyctophilia: So... Anything you can tell me?
[11.12.2018 02:11:52] Nyctophilia: I'd watch a sight of the system all day long, don't get me wrong, but...
[11.12.2018 02:12:26] Vagrant.Melia: "There is much."
[11.12.2018 02:14:13] Nyctophilia: Hm... Well, I can imagine.
[11.12.2018 02:14:33] Vagrant.Melia: "Can a dark mind truly attempt to comprehend the Light?"
[11.12.2018 02:15:33] Nyctophilia: I mean... There was a moment once when you and Kimi literally split my consciousness. Just for a brief moment.
[11.12.2018 02:15:42] Nyctophilia: And... It was something.
[11.12.2018 02:16:10] Nyctophilia: Then, that sudden surge of joy, when I almost lost my mind, because I never thought I could be happy just because.
[11.12.2018 02:17:44] Vagrant.Melia: "The existence of the Light is a source of its joy."
[11.12.2018 02:18:16] Nyctophilia: Even if our mind is not developed to interface with you on complete levels, it has great potential afterall.
[11.12.2018 02:19:10] Nyctophilia: As for a desire... It's one's choice purely.
[11.12.2018 02:20:04] Nyctophilia: Do they want to or not, that's a question. Determination is a decisive factor.
[11.12.2018 02:20:44] Vagrant.Melia: "The Light sings. The worthy will come to listen."
[11.12.2018 02:23:25] Nyctophilia: Yet again, there are people who will heed to the song and will have their own opinions about it, their own perceptions.
[11.12.2018 02:23:41] Nyctophilia: Excluding those who won't.
[11.12.2018 02:25:22] Vagrant.Melia: "The song is powerful. It will purify."
[11.12.2018 02:25:56] Nyctophilia: It will take some time, sure. But the result will be the same.
[11.12.2018 02:26:59] Vagrant.Melia: "Warmth."
[11.12.2018 02:27:18] Nyctophilia: As I said once. If I can walk this path, then everyone else can.
[11.12.2018 02:28:01] Nyctophilia: I was nobody the moment I saw you. Literally, nobody knew who I am, I had no name, no money, nothing. And most importantly,
[11.12.2018 02:28:17] Nyctophilia: I had none in my life.
[11.12.2018 02:28:38] Nyctophilia: And I had no goal.
[11.12.2018 02:29:44] Nyctophilia: My path is still not finished, but the progression is there. I'm more well, I met new people and I have a goal.
[11.12.2018 02:30:40] Vagrant.Melia: "The paths of the Light are long. They do not resolve instaneously."
[11.12.2018 02:31:05] Nyctophilia: The goal to make sure everyone sees a new, beautiful world, when the wars end.
[11.12.2018 02:32:05] Nyctophilia: And by everyone I mean -everyone-. You, us, AI.
[11.12.2018 02:32:48] Vagrant.Melia: *It positions itself precisely central to the primary cockpit of the Spatial.*
[11.12.2018 02:33:21] Vagrant.Melia: *Another of those moments where its fore is but meters away from the shield barrier of the craft.*
[11.12.2018 02:33:51] Nyctophilia: I might not live to see these days... But I might witness the begining. *She leans on her control desk with her elbows*
[11.12.2018 02:34:51] Nyctophilia: If only there were some people who could comprehend your beauty...
[11.12.2018 02:36:53] Vagrant.Melia: "The darkness shall know the Light, and it will learn."
[11.12.2018 02:39:19] Nyctophilia: Some will heed, some won't. Some will see you as a beauty, some - as divinity.
[11.12.2018 02:40:05] Nyctophilia: It takes... Time to elaborate that you are something else.
[11.12.2018 02:40:36] Nyctophilia: And for the others to understand and accept it. Or reject it.
[11.12.2018 02:40:43] Nyctophilia: Rejecting is easier than accepting.
[11.12.2018 02:42:55] Nyctophilia: That's why many find acceptance as a too tough thing.
[11.12.2018 02:43:22] Nyctophilia: Accepting something is hard. Rejecting it? Simple. You just say "no", forget about it and move on.
[11.12.2018 02:43:35] Vagrant.Melia: "Fickle ignorance."
[11.12.2018 02:44:58] Nyctophilia: Some commend those, who bear acceptance. Some consider those stupid.
[11.12.2018 02:46:21] Nyctophilia: And these people interact with eachother in multiple ways. Except for those, who accept everything. They just accept that they're considered as fools.
[11.12.2018 02:46:44] Nyctophilia: Or that they're being endorsed.
[11.12.2018 02:48:33] Vagrant.Melia: "Curious."
[11.12.2018 02:49:30] Nyctophilia: *She narrows her eyes.* You're that close to my ship and you're curious about something. What's on your mind?
[11.12.2018 02:51:21] Vagrant.Melia: "We listen. We ponder these ways of darkness. They are crude."
[11.12.2018 02:52:05] Vagrant.Melia: *It backs off slightly, though its form would likely still dominate the view of the cockpit.*
[11.12.2018 02:52:20] Nyctophilia: The reality we exist in... We made it for ourselves, I honestly don't even know why.
[11.12.2018 02:52:40] Nyctophilia: We could have made it better.
[11.12.2018 02:52:59] Nyctophilia: Why we didn't? Still an enigma for me.
[11.12.2018 02:55:13] Nyctophilia: We came here because of the war. It was a chance for a new beginning.
[11.12.2018 02:55:18] Nyctophilia: Did we used it? No.
[11.12.2018 02:56:03] Vagrant.Melia: "Amusement."
[11.12.2018 02:58:40] Nyctophilia: Every time there's a chance, for some odd reason, we prefer to stick to our old roots and make things all the same.
[11.12.2018 02:59:25] Vagrant.Melia: "Such is a flaw. The Light always changes. We adapt."
[11.12.2018 03:02:38] Nyctophilia: Yeah, well, can't call our progression adaptation. We just progress and make everything fall under us.
[11.12.2018 03:03:55] Nyctophilia: We indeedly grow, but we also devour everything around, and what was devoured doesn't gets restored.
[11.12.2018 03:05:34] Vagrant.Melia: "Unsustainable."
[11.12.2018 03:07:43] Nyctophilia: Whereas... You, I believe, also spread and grow, but on the other hand, you tend to purge the darkness and support the existing life.
[11.12.2018 03:09:49] Vagrant.Melia: " When the Light destroys, it seeks to preserve."
[11.12.2018 03:12:43] Nyctophilia: Yeah... Wish I could say the same about us.
[11.12.2018 03:12:49] Nyctophilia: But we just don't care.
[11.12.2018 03:12:55] Nyctophilia: If it's war, then it's war.
[11.12.2018 03:14:44] Vagrant.Melia: "There must always be purpose in harm."
[11.12.2018 03:14:59] Vagrant.Melia: "Otherwise it is entirely wasted, and threatens the whole."
[11.12.2018 03:16:01] Nyctophilia: Greed. Emotions. Feelings.
[11.12.2018 03:18:59] Vagrant.Melia: "Such frail motivation."
[11.12.2018 03:19:03] Nyctophilia: Non-physical harm is, sometimes, worse than physical.
[11.12.2018 03:20:29] Nyctophilia: Yeah, such fundamental and primitive things as greed might be a cause for one to stick a knife into the other's back.
[11.12.2018 03:20:59] Vagrant.Melia: "Such harm, such destruction."
[11.12.2018 03:21:00] Nyctophilia: Literally and figuratively.
[11.12.2018 03:22:25] Nyctophilia: Do you understand in which conditions I exist, my people exist? And why I seek for better ones?
[11.12.2018 03:22:54] Nyctophilia: We had a chance to make them better. Maybe we didn't understood it, or we rejected it.
[11.12.2018 03:23:17] Nyctophilia: But this chance was rejected. Things remain the same as they were centuries ago.
[11.12.2018 03:23:50] Vagrant.Melia: "If we were to understand, we may offer only apathy."
[11.12.2018 03:29:05] Vagrant.Melia: "The Light benefits from the chaos. It is unwise to disturb it now."
[11.12.2018 03:29:16] Nyctophilia: I agree.
[11.12.2018 03:29:59] Nyctophilia: And that's why I'm here. Not in London. The situation out there seems to be quite... Stable.
[11.12.2018 03:30:18] Nyctophilia: No need to interfere. Yet.
[11.12.2018 03:30:45] Vagrant.Melia: "We observe."
[11.12.2018 03:33:32] Nyctophilia: *She exhales lightly* You did put alot of effort into me. I never thought I could know how it is to be happy.
[11.12.2018 03:34:17] Nyctophilia: Just... Without any purpose. Like how Kimiko does it, she's always happy without any purpose.
[11.12.2018 03:34:30] Vagrant.Melia: "Joy."
[11.12.2018 03:34:36] Nyctophilia: And I... I needed a purpose for anything.
[11.12.2018 03:35:22] Vagrant.Melia: "Our purpose is to wander. We require no other direction."
[11.12.2018 03:36:04] Nyctophilia: Yeah, but my original question was to why do you wander...
[11.12.2018 03:36:23] Nyctophilia: And... With time, I stopped caring about it.
[11.12.2018 03:36:56] Nyctophilia: I just understood that wandering around might be a purpose on it's own.
[11.12.2018 03:37:07] Vagrant.Melia: "Our aspect was created to wander. It is no simpler."
[11.12.2018 03:38:40] Nyctophilia: Of course. And... Even if I understand it, I don't actually feel happy.
[11.12.2018 03:39:12] Nyctophilia: Like... Senseless happiness is not alien to me, but...
[11.12.2018 03:39:16] Nyctophilia: I can't describe it.
[11.12.2018 03:40:16] Nyctophilia: *She falls back into her pilot chair, sighing.*
[11.12.2018 03:42:04] Vagrant.Melia: "Perhaps it is because darklings must always attempt to fabricate their purpose."
[11.12.2018 03:42:31] Vagrant.Melia: "Yours are not content to exist. Yours always seek to interfere."
[11.12.2018 03:43:29] Nyctophilia: Although it's true, please don't generalize.
[11.12.2018 03:44:58] Nyctophilia: I might be one of them, I'm nothing like them.
[11.12.2018 03:46:01] Nyctophilia: I understand the human nature. I understand it's worst and best parts. I seek the worst in myself and I try to exclude it.
[11.12.2018 03:46:22] Vagrant.Melia: "Yet it is the nature of darkness."
[11.12.2018 03:48:34] Nyctophilia: With all my desire, creativity makes me who I am. A trait which I would prefer to conserve.
[11.12.2018 03:50:18] Vagrant.Melia: "More to ponder."
[11.12.2018 03:50:29] Nyctophilia: I am nothing without creativity. As well as without my sympathy.
[11.12.2018 03:54:17] Nyctophilia: Without creativity, would I be able to convey all the meanings of my surroundings? To understand you?
[11.12.2018 03:54:33] Nyctophilia: And without sympathy, would I be able to share the joy with the others?
[11.12.2018 03:58:53] Nyctophilia: What I try to get rid of is hatred, anger and disdain.
[11.12.2018 03:59:02] Nyctophilia: What makes me a worse person.
[11.12.2018 03:59:12] Vagrant.Melia: "Pride."
[11.12.2018 04:01:53] Vagrant.Melia: "Yours seeks to grow."
[11.12.2018 04:03:26] Nyctophilia: I... Don't really know. Although I never understood how can one hate the other, the emotion is quite strong.
[11.12.2018 04:03:52] Nyctophilia: Straight hostility. Which doesn't helps, it devours from within.
[11.12.2018 04:04:42] Vagrant.Melia: "It is a harsh emotion."
[11.12.2018 04:04:44] Nyctophilia: It can be a good motivator. For some. But in such cases, both suffer.
[11.12.2018 04:06:21] Nyctophilia: Anger is... What breeds hatred. You get mad at someone, and there's a point where you can stop caring about it.
[11.12.2018 04:06:42] Nyctophilia: But when you cross the point when you don't - that's where hatred comes into play.
[11.12.2018 04:07:57] Vagrant.Melia: "It blinds."
[11.12.2018 04:08:52] Nyctophilia: Yeah. There might be a slight doubt, but... Mostly, it's something that blinds one's perception.
[11.12.2018 04:09:12] Nyctophilia: *She shivers* Not a good thing.
[11.12.2018 04:09:25] Vagrant.Melia: "It is not."
[11.12.2018 04:10:07] Vagrant.Melia: "We are our song. The harmful emotions distort it, and harm us."
[11.12.2018 04:10:41] Nyctophilia: There shouldn't be any harm for your harmony.
[11.12.2018 04:10:59] Vagrant.Melia: "Such is the strength of the Light."
[11.12.2018 04:11:34] Vagrant.Melia: "The burden cannot be avoided. But it may be shared."

And it was an another moment of joy. We kept flying between the rocks, not just between one. Maybe Melia doesn't understands it, but she sometimes tends to get herself into a vulnerable position. Or is it her secret strategy? Anyway, after our little game, we had a... Quite interesting discussion.

Code:

[11.12.2018 04:14:15] Vagrant.Melia: "Amusement."
[11.12.2018 04:14:23] Nyctophilia: *She continues to smile.*
[11.12.2018 04:21:52] Nyctophilia: Hey. We're at the edge of the field.
[11.12.2018 04:23:13] Vagrant.Melia: "It has not come, but perhaps the time for growth will come soon."
[11.12.2018 04:23:25] Nyctophilia: N'aww. You're teasing me.
[11.12.2018 04:24:30] Nyctophilia: Nah. To be honest, growth is just a proccess. Spending time with you like that is a real joy for me.
[11.12.2018 04:24:38] Nyctophilia: Just wish Kimi and Kath were around...
[11.12.2018 04:24:46] Nyctophilia: The only parts of the joy I really miss.
[11.12.2018 04:24:49] Vagrant.Melia: "Patience."
[11.12.2018 04:25:12] Vagrant.Melia: *It wasn't just saying it, of course. It was expressing it too.*
[11.12.2018 04:25:46] Nyctophilia: Yeah, I'm all anticipating the day when I get to meet them again.
[11.12.2018 04:26:04] Nyctophilia: But this day will come.
[11.12.2018 04:26:46] Vagrant.Melia: "The Light shall grow."
[11.12.2018 04:27:28] Nyctophilia: Moros indeed is a beautiful place after all...
[11.12.2018 04:29:38] Vagrant.Melia: "Yours are not with us, not with them. Sorrow."
[11.12.2018 04:30:29] Nyctophilia: Can't find my place in the galaxy. Although, sincerely, I wish I was with you.
[11.12.2018 04:30:45] Nyctophilia: Question is, will you accept me?
[11.12.2018 04:32:41] Nyctophilia: Now you see.
[11.12.2018 04:33:11] Vagrant.Melia: " It is not entirely our judgment, but of the greater lights and the whole."
[11.12.2018 04:33:29] Vagrant.Melia: "We cannot provide honesty."
[11.12.2018 04:33:58] Nyctophilia: Well... I never had a privelege to speak with your superiors.
[11.12.2018 04:34:16] Nyctophilia: Only witness them in action.
[11.12.2018 04:35:44] Vagrant.Melia: " Their attention is not so focused."
[11.12.2018 04:36:44] Nyctophilia: Hm? Why's that?
[11.12.2018 04:37:18] Vagrant.Melia: " The greater lights must observe and advise the whole."
[11.12.2018 04:37:41] Nyctophilia: Is there... That few of them?
[11.12.2018 04:38:00] Vagrant.Melia: "We do not have the number of the Bretheren."
[11.12.2018 04:38:41] Nyctophilia: K'Haras can manage, they're tough. But what about yours?
[11.12.2018 04:38:56] Nyctophilia: *She sounds rather concerned.*
[11.12.2018 04:39:41] Vagrant.Melia: "They endure."
[11.12.2018 04:41:13] Nyctophilia: I-eh... I'm sorry... Should they require any assistance from me, I'll try my best, okay?
[11.12.2018 04:43:20] Nyctophilia: In any case... If they desire to approach me, I'll be here. Mostly.
[11.12.2018 04:43:32] Nyctophilia: I... Better not bother them.
[11.12.2018 04:43:59] Vagrant.Melia: "Such is wise."
[11.12.2018 04:45:14] Nyctophilia: But rest assured - I'm always on your side.
[11.12.2018 04:46:09] Nyctophilia: You basically reshaped my life and I can't go back from here. I have nowhere to.
[11.12.2018 04:46:34] Nyctophilia: Being with you from now on is the only form of gratitude I can provide.
[11.12.2018 04:46:49] Vagrant.Melia: "Perhaps we shall do more. But we must seek the veil now."
[11.12.2018 04:47:30] Nyctophilia: Sure. I... Have some ideas for my next composition.
[11.12.2018 04:47:45] Nyctophilia: Take rest and... Thank you. Again.

It is... True. I don't feel like I belong to anyone. The Commune? They're more like an obligation than a family to me. I mean, there's nothing bad in it. I respect their goals and I'll help them should they require my assistance. But... Is the Commune really what I was looking for? I hope I get to talk with one of the Vagrant superiors one day... There's much we need to discuss.

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If we don't end war, war will end us. - H. G. Wells