Audio-Diary of the spiritual Sun

[Dark_Knight]

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7. Vedanā

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Om Mani Padme Hum

My belief was challenged greatly yesterday in Delta, apparently there was a great battle and my usual politeness was not appreciated in the morning. Most crucial for my determination to continue to believe in the limitless dignity and possibilities of both ourselves and others. If I cannot abide by that basic ruling then I shall need to return to the Monastery at Junyo. I am, perhaps foolish to believe always in peaceful compromise and in questioning me, I learned about myself. I can be violent, I justified it to myself that I would protect ones I cared for if the Nomads attacked and if I was the last ship standing? I felt ill afterwards, like I had betrayed my soul and heart. My capacity for compassion has its limits, I am not perfect, I am not a Bodhisattva but perhaps that is learning curve.

In time, my Karma shall balance from the words said to me and the trepidation of my mind. There was quite a many Zoners around Freeport 11. I felt overwhelmed and joyous at the same time, that I could find so many with so many different views. Giant ships that, admittedly I am impressed by and vigilant hearts against the nomads. I found myself asking to build a temple on 9, so that i may help others and perhaps convert others if they are willing. I was surprised when I received a reply to my request, and even more surprised by the offer of Pygar. Such Harshness, people do need to find faith in harsh situations and I have become lack in how others suffer. I must do it, I can do it.

I am a hopeful being, a Buddhist's greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall and I hope to rise once more to the occasion and not let the unskilled words of Joshua Graham influence my mind and judgement. To lose my heart just because of one or two failures is the height of foolishness. Life is a long, long journey. No matter how wonderful a life you have lived, if in the end you find yourself defeated and unhappy, nothing could be more miserable. Misery is not becoming of me, and others would fall if I myself let it become a part of me. The problems that I have faced are daunting in their depth and complexity. Sometimes it is hard to see where or how to begin. But I cannot become paralysed by misery. I must each take action toward the goals I have set and in which I believe. Rather than passively accepting things as they are, I must challenge this, creating a new reality. It is in this effort that I shall find undying hope.