Audio-Diary of the spiritual Sun

[Dark_Knight]

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13. Duḥkha

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I may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it.

Diana spoke to me once more, she was in New York. Her conversation with me only confirmed my worries for her, she believes wholeheartedly in the superiority of the Nomads. I could not will it within myself to break that belief that she has, even if I truly know it to be false. For her it is everything, her life, her feelings, her emotions and her core. To her, the Nomads are there for salvation not destruction and to her they shall spare her for her worship. I am a fool, I am suffering in not telling her the ultimate truth because it would bring her so much suffering in turn.

Can these worshippers be converted, can infected be cured and can we forgive each other for the crimes done in the same of a aggressive species bent on our own destruction. I am a fool, I am suffering in not telling others of Daniels' conversations with me, of his supposed innocence and I cannot believe him. I was in love!, it blinded me and I'm unsure of where to take these feelings within me. I never told him, I never gave in to that desire and for that I am suffering. I need love, I need happiness and I need to concentrate on those I have rather then those I may lose due to myself and my belief.

So many have left, I was surprised to see John once more but even he I can feel slipping into a quest with these voided of his. I can see that he may pass on, his energy reforming into another form. I am a fool, I am suffering due to worrying of other friends and their own suffering. We all experience suffering, sometimes we lose what we care about, we are seperated from those we love, our bodies fail us as we get older, we feel helpless or hurt. Dukkha guides me in these times, I am suffering in the impermanence of things, friendships, lives, conversations and trust. There is no easy way out for me, I have to accept this life.

I have to continue being myself, being true, being happy. I need to do more.