She fell silent as the sedative began to work. Her breathing slowed and she began to watch him, her thoughts were still racing. She was still as she listened to where she was. She began to realise just how lucky she must have been. In being lost, she had by chance stumbled across the best place she could have been.
She saw the pistols, but didn't say anything. She would have never forgiven herself if he had to use them because of her.
"I was never meant to be gone for so long... I was leaving, I wasnt going to go back to them... I didn't go back to them..."
His touch, his fingers running through her hair silenced her thoughts almost immediately. She watched him put the ring back in his pocket before closing her eyes again. She understood, but it still hurt. There was another tear.
"I wouldn't be the cause of... I... I didn't know what else to do"
She wasn't making a whole lot of sense, she wanted to explain but she wasn't able to collect her thoughts enough to begin to try. His comment about her still caring made her shake her head slightly
"John... Of course I still.... I never stopped caring.... I just couldn't... They threatened the children... I didn't think you would..."
This was the point she started crying, she never meant to hurt him, and she knew she had made a mistake. The situation had gotten out of hand too quickly and she genuinely didn't know what to do. She didn't think she would have been missed, not to this extent. She didn't think he would have cared so much that she had gone. No one ever had before, it was foreign to her. She hated seeing him upset and she knew she couldn't fix it.
She was trying to collect herself, but the emotions were too much. She had been so afraid. She had been on the run for a long time, never able to settle, never able to talk to anyone in fear of what they knew about her, and where their loyalty would lie. She had listened to how she needed to be resuscitated twice, from the little she could remember, she understood. She was beginning to realise how serious it was. Through the tears she tried to sound reassuring.
