She was surprised, she didn't expect him to have come to that decision, but at the same time she understood why he had. It wouldn't have been the same living under Bretonian law. He had told her stories, and although she had never been there - She knew how hard that would have been. She smiled a little as he mentioned the memories, knowing that he was right. No one could take those from you. She still couldn't help but feel bad for him and his loss.
"I... I am sorry, I only know the stories.... But know how much that meant to...."
She stopped as the the machine took her blood pressure. As the cuff inflated around her arm she couldn't help but hold her breath, it was uncomfortable, but she didn't want to complain. Eventually it showed the reading, It was still lower than it should have been, as were all of her observations. She didn't understand the numbers, or what they meant. She just knew she was becoming very aware of the pain again. Pain in places she wasn't aware she had hurt. Most of the injuries she didn't remember, She was sure not all of them had come from the fight - and this worried her as she couldn't explain it otherwise. She still wasn't sure of the extent of a lot of them, or what had happened in surgery. She couldn't help but to ask, hoping he would be honest despite the concern she was showing.
"I... Everything hurts, and I don't know how to make it stop.... I don't remember how a lot of it happened.. I can only recall so much... They caught me by surprise, I had been so careful, but I never saw them coming. How bad is it."
She was enjoying him running his hand through her hair, she had always loved him playing with it, and she didn't want him to stop. She had never forgotten the time he had helped her with it on Erie, it was the first time anyone had done her hair for her, and no one had done it since. She bit her lip hearing him say he was a depressed man when they had met.
"Even then you had gone through a lot... You had seen things no one should have ever seen. You had given up a lot to help everyone else. I remember the stories, You had... you have... a heart of gold, John, but sometimes gold can be heavy."
She didn't say anything more, she didn't want to cross the line, after all she didn't know where she stood anymore. She expected him to be angry, she expected him to be upset. The kindness he was showing was something she didn't understand, especially as it was her fault they were in this situation. She listened to him talk about Erie, she couldn't help but smile, the memories had been her safe place for some time now. The water - she missed the water. She remembered the cabin, and the time with the horses, he was right - she had enjoyed it.
"I remember asking you, when we first met on Foster, what you enjoyed doing. Even then you said riding. After you had taken me there.... I could understand why..... You are right, I did enjoy it. So many times I had wished I could go back.... I just...."
Again she fell short of finishing the sentence.
"I wish I could say it was simple... I will tell you what you want to know... I just don't know where to start..."
