Serving for Two

[Keller]

For a moment his mind struggled to comprehend if the feelings she expressed came from her or himself. It seemed as if the roles could have been reversed and even the mere suggestion of it seemed convincing enough. Being undeserving of second chances, that was something Keller thought about quite regularly. In that sense it was quite surreal to hear his thoughts expressed so similarly by a person so different from him.

"It's okay to break down, I've done it privately for a few years now. And each time I have, I've always thought about the fact that it would feel marginally better if someone was there, even if only to witness how horrible I felt in those moments. Sometimes I had that luxury, most times I didn't. At least in your case, even though it is hard. I can be there." He still maintained the lightest hold possible over her hands and would certainly allow her to withdraw them whenever was appropriate, in his mind that was when she felt comfortable enough to try and continue eating, and with the spiral of wanting to break down surmounted.

"I know what it feels like, that lump in your throat. The pit you can't fill and all the doubt and insecurity that comes with the pain that trauma leaves behind. The fact you can still feel, and choose to feel is a victory. The people who lock it all away and give up on facing their pain, they become sources of it instead." It was quite a philosophical statement to make, but maybe it had some degree of truth and more worryingly first-hand experience behind it.