To: Oban Station Administration

[Markam]

Message Class: Audio-Visual
Encryption: Drambuie
From: Fleet Admiral John Redmond

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Dear Sir or Sick stain,

I have been directed to this attempt at communication by the Administrators, appointed by the Admiralty, to the Modular Installation known locally as Oban Station, and known to you as Sod-off-and-mind-your-own-business Station, S.O.B Station for short.

When first reading this redirected communication, I had thought a Junior Officer had decided to prank me and "pigeoned" my monitor, as I mistook your pale featureless face for the rancid product you share with your near relatives on a frequent basis.

Please kindly gather your small collection of alcohol sodden wits to hold a conference in your rain swept hovel of a brain, and come to the obvious conclusion that you should steer clear of Planet Harris and anywhere beyond the rock formations you love so much and you no doubt have been concussed by on one too many, or one too few occasions.

If you do venture out near Planet Harris, I hope you prepared several new pairs of breeches, as you will be decorating your first and likely second pair with arse biscuits glaised in a golden dressing with enough alcohol content to kill an obese Corsair.

I do not blame you for being absolutely plastered most of the time, all things considered.

Tepid regards,

Fleet Bollocking Admiral John Bloody Redmond
Dreadnought Venerable, Oversector Get Lost
Bretonian Armed Forces

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Markam is evil