Vinny's Notes

[Caliban]

...ID->VinnyTrickster#2266

...password->********

...logging.in->VinnyTrickster#2266...

..."Welcome, Vinny"...

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Recent events have been...eventful.

Two days ago I talked with Viper about a new ship. Equipment, I call it. We also discussed less- uh. More odd topics. Like a date. Being hired by the MND as a fully fledged scientist. But...yeah. A date with the now newly appointed Director of the Buro. How do I keep hitting the fan like this? Viper is great, I mean! But she's hinting towards actual dates all so often that I think it is more out of interest, rather than her actually liking me. I guess it's worth a shot either way, isn't it? Especially when she told me to visit Planet Holstein for some reason. And that I should "be happy". I've got mixed feelings about it, but I've done more stupid things than this.

Raven is a whole other story, though. She decided to take up on Barry's help with her uh. Condition. I tried to be supportive and give whatever help I could, but either she's too self reliant for that or I am too poor to even help her. We had a long discussion over it. About how I am a bit against the idea of risking your own memories. Your own self. Forgetting yourself is a sad way to go, and I stand by that argument. Couldn't have made it even worse that I stared babbling about feelings I don't want anyone to have. How stupid was I to relate them to myself by a tiny bit? Especially after she asked me to just "vent" what I feel. She knows I can't do that. And I know I don't want to do that. How the f*ck am I supposed to vent? By breaking down into tears the second I reach the part where my room has a wall painted with dried blood that I didn't wash to this day? About how well I let my emotions out last time?

She will see me like some sort of sad, lonely person can't even see beyond depression. Well...sometimes I am that. But not in public, or next to actual people. Especially Raven. She's worried about me all the time, and I am worried about her all the time acting as if everything is fine and dandy until either of us hit rock bottom. I don't want to live up to the point where one of us falls to a point of no return and the other can only watch.

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...message.end->"A note to myself about myself."

...logging.off->"Farewell, Vincent "