Liberty Police, Inc. Reporting Office

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Liberty Police, Inc. Reporting Office

Dejavu

03-19-2022, 09:25 PM,

#2,000

Global Moderator

Posts: 880
Threads: 64
Joined: Dec 2008

Liberty Police Incorporated
Incoming Transmission

-
- Sender: Lieutenant Oliver Shaw
- Recipient: Liberty Police, Inc.
- Subject: Workplace Pressures
- Encryption: Puzzling

Howdy,

Today marks the day where I break my silence. I vowed not to do this but I cannot contain it any longer after what happened to me.

The build quality on the Patriot is absolutely shocking. It's a depressing fact that these death traps have claimed the lives of good officers. I suppose I should have said decompressing fact, it would have been more accurate.

Whilst on patrol I was getting pings from long range scanners that those dastardly Outcasts were setting up a small staging base, so of course being the ever heroic officer that I am, I decided to go in singlehanded. Donut in hand I charged my cruise engine and flew the some 30k out from Planet Manhattan to greet our invasive new neighbours. On arrival I was surprised at the size of the installation, quite frankly it was disappointing. I could have barely fitted inside of it in my currently somewhat oversized state. It was minute. From the pings I had assumed that I'd be getting a new medal and a definitely deserved promotion for the destruction of the station. In reality I'll be lucky to even get a nod from my fellow patrons in Sunbucks.

While deciding the next best course of action, two Outcast vessels came out of nowhere and evaporated my shields, doing minor damage to my hull. With this I activated my reserve shield batteries and started evasive manoeuvres. What happened next is not what I fully expected to happen. There was a ripping of metal and a rushing of air from beneath me, I was gasping for breath as my vessel's pressure leaked out into the vacuum. I next felt a cold burning sensation to my left, naturally sized, but in proportion fleshy seat cushion. A sense of dread rushed over me as the pressure built back to manageable levels. My backside had saved me from certain death. But not embarrassment.

Seeing this ungraceful sight, the Outcast ships ceased fire and opened a comms channel with me. They laughed. They laughed hard. I assume they also took various photos for their various drug filled social media channels. My pride hurt, I courageously charged at the so called station, only pulling up at the last moment to release two mines. Boom. Gone. I assume. I didn't look back, cool guys don't look at explosions.

In short, I blame the poor build quality of the Patriot that nearly killed me today. It was certainly not my large bones and ample supply of donuts and coffee that could have caused catastrophe today. It was those tin foil like materials they use for the hull. It's science, that's all I'm saying.

Since the Patriot has the structural integrity of a burger patty, I am taking a Defender out for a test drive. Hopefully I won't have to squeeze myself inside.

Until the next time.