Ruminations of a Survivor

[AuruemSaber]

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I march down the stairs and straight into the living room, immediately confronted by the faces of the entire regiment. Their conversations all stop and their gazes turn my way - no doubt expecting some sort of answer as to why they were told to be here. I clear my throat and try to muster as much authority I can as I move into the center of the room. The cozy and warm fireplace makes the living room of the manor one of the stranger places I'll ever have done a military briefing.

"Right, cheers for coming."
"Sum of it is, I've got an op' I might need a team for."
"Some of you owe me one, so I'm fucking calling it in."

I made sure to stare at Alex and Oz' as I said it. I can see the briefest spark of discomfort in Alex as his gaze shifts towards the floor from his seat on his couch. Oz on the other hand just stares back - the tough old bastard remained as hard to read as ever. But neither of them were inclined to speak up just yet.

"What about the rest of us, Becks?"
"Bit presumptuous to assume that we all owe you."

Veronica protested while keeping her eyes in lockstep with mine, as if trying to make my head explode. Her boldness inspired Charlie and Kevin to follow suit. I did have to set least appreciate the fact that it was the same glare I used to give potential clients back when we were all mercenaries. The good thing about a gun for hire was the fact you can let the credits do the talking. And the same thing tends to go for conveniently independent operators in the "import/export" business.

"Which is why I said some."
"I'm willing to compensate the rest of you for the assist."
"And the retiree's are only here cause one of them owns the gaff."
"Jace wouldn't shut the fuck up after Alex told him about this-"
"-and the other one insisted I bring her along."

I stare at Vicky as I say the last bit and she just flashes a cheeky grin at me. For the rest though my words seem to have found their mark, Veronica giving up on her glare in favour of a smirk before she and Charlie share a nod - the mercenaries are willing to hear me out and that was good news. Even Kevin is unable to keep himself from cracking a grin before nodding his head, which means I have the interest of the man with the "connections" that will no doubt prove crucial.

"If, and it's a big if."
"If I get a location, this op will be a hostage rescue op'."
"But for Kev, I do have some immediate work you can do."

"I'm all ears when you're willin' ta' fork creds over for it."

"Alright, I'll fill you in on every detail you need to know regarding the side job after."
"But for now, before I leave for Skagen I-."

I didn't get to finish before Jason had cut me off, I keep forgetting he isn't my quiet little brother anymore, but instead a brash, stubborn, and even somewhat proud bastard. Seems to run in the family, or so Kristoff believed.

"Skagen? Core had that locked down good for years."
"You're going to go and poke around in the ruins there?"

He's also become quite the clever little bastard since he left Leeds. I'd almost be proud if that didn't mean he was probably now the one person in this room who might be able to put together the dots I left out. And if so, there were now two things I was lying to him about. But even though the guilt of that realisation squeezes my soul, I keep my nerve and play it cool.

"It's a formality trip, small relation to our HVI."
"I don't expect much to come from it and it should be low risk."

Jason's eyes narrow to betray the fact he's scrutinizing my answer. The hallmarks of a sniper trying to get a bead on movement just outside his field of view. But he doesn't get much time before the voice of the Regiment's own angel speaks up.

"Right, so, who is it that warrants all this?"
"Is your HVI, Kris?"

There was a touch of tender softness in Vicky's voice as she said it and I can see the concern on her face as she says it. Jason looks surprised, perhaps he hadn't considered there was something personal to all this. Alex finally breaks his gaze from the floor and stares at me, and I can almost swear there's a flash of anger there for a moment as he opens his mouth to say something but stops himself.

"No, it's no one anyone here has met. Though Jace and Ant have heard of her."

I can see Jace's look of confusion as he desperately tries to put the pieces together, and Ant simply raises an eyebrow. I reckon he knows who it is already, but he's giving me the courtesy of explaining myself. Or possibly just challenging me to do it.

"Our HVI is one Aspen Harlow."
"Her status remains unconfirmed but regardless of that."
"No one gets left behind, not again."

I lay it out. All of it. It takes everything to do it, but I manage. I explain what she did for me on Erie, and that I owed it to her, and that anyone who wants out has their chance now. I'd like to say it was kindness towards some of them, but truthfully I just didn't want to deal with last minute cold feet. A thought that maybe should concern me more than it does. My mind wanders a little as I wait to see if any of them take the chance.

No one takes it. They all stay, it's a nice feeling. Especially since I had my doubts about some of them. Even the ones I offered to pay. I know they could find an easier gig anywhere else with little trouble. One that doesn't come with the trappings of my own emotional baggage affecting the mission. Despite it all, I guess everything we went through does still mean something. It gives me some small hope as I can't help but smile a little before I go through my plan for them and listen for their feedback.

It's almost enough to remind me of old times as even Vicky and Ant seem to want to get involved despite their current civilian lifestyle. Jason stays quiet but even I can see the flash of a smirk on his face as he watches. It's easy to see that he misses and longs for the action. His silence likely coming from a lack of a map or location to give the input of a marksman if I had to wager a guess.

Alex cracks jokes about one last gig, like it's the long awaited reunion of a famous band. And the Oz' I see now is more like the Oz' of Leeds then the one Alex, Jace and me found on the Hood all those years after the war had ended. It's almost enough to give me hope. Almost. But that assumes I can deliver on a location, and this may just prove to be the most difficult mission of my life. A raid for a hostage rescue likely to be a cakewalk in comparison.

But still, I can't get too caught up on Aspen that I drag any of them into an early grave, especially not Vicks who I know has fired a weapon and killed before, but she was always rear echelon. I need to remember that this will be her first raid ever and that she has a husband waiting for her at home. I also can't forget I'm the only one here with recent experience aside from Veronica and Charlie.

Makes me wonder if this is what leading is? Just remembering what your people are good at, what they are shite at and just their own general state be it mental or physical.

No, any idiot could be a good leader if that was the case. A true leader can also inspire, and while I'm many things, inspiring most certainly isn't one of them. So I suppose that disqualifies me for life.

And that suits me just fine as I look over the room. Being responsible for all these people? Having them live and die on my orders? I can't imagine the burden that must have been for Ant and Oz'. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me they had as much trouble adjusting after the war, and I guess they deserved to adjust more than I did.

I suppose it certainly isn't worth holding against Oz for. If he actually is sorry that is. But now was neither the time nor the place to have that talk, it would have to be later and when all the dust had settled. I only realise just how much I zoned out when Oz' looks me dead in the eye before speaking. As his mouth opens I expect him to call me out on it. But he doesn't, well not on that specific thing anyway.

"You need backup for Skagen."
"Going it alone even if it is low risk."
"Not the best idea, lass."

I know he's right the moment he says it. And I certainly don't need Ant to chime in about but he does anyway.

"Plus it would be sloppy."
"And we trained you too well for you to be sloppy."

Obviously they're right, but the risk of bringing someone into the fold for whatever I might find on Skagen is risky. But I can already see Jason opening his mouth to volunteer, obviously his time in the Omicrons being a factor for doing so.

"Sounds like that's me then.

It's a shame that the little prick is as smart as he is, because he would've been my first pick as well. And just when I feel like I've run out of potential excuses to use, it dawns on me - Alex bloody Lynch who has just gone and opened his mouth.

"Sorry mate, but you're an old retiree now."
"'Why don't ya' leave it to those of us who ain't on the bench these days, eh?"

Alex is competent enough and trained to not need babysitting. And Alex Lynch being a man not gifted with the ability to see the big picture means he's the perfect choice for it. And before Jason can even swing back with a reply I seize the chance to dissuade Jason and anyone else hoping to take the opportunity to go sight seeing with alien ruins that the scientific community was dying to know more about.

"He's right, Jace."
"It's a two person trip max anyway."
"Infil is the Skyline thanks to it's cloak."
"And there isn't room for anyone else."

I can see the scowl on Jason's face as he stares at me before finally sighing and shrugging his shoulders giving in. Alex on the other hand was smiling like he'd just won the bloody lottery.

"So, we're taking your ship."
"Only thing that leaves is the question of when we leavin', Becks?"

I can't help but smirk as I stare at him, even were it the case that I wasn't worried about anyone figuring out too much. The thought of Alex facing down alien ruins from a long dead species should be interesting enough that it'd make the trip worthwhile even if it weren't for the potential stakes on hand.

"First light tomorrow."
"The rest of you enjoy your evening."
"Me and Alex need to get some appropriate gear."

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