Crest.FM Radio [LISTEN-ONLY BROADCAST]

[Crest]

You are listening to Crest, and I'm your host Solar, here to give you some good company for your cold, cold travels in the middle of space. Let's take a break from our beloved classics, because I've got a few important things to go through. One of these may or may not be important for any of you folks out there currently headed to Rheinland, so pay attention. Our eyes in the stars have caught some rather drastic events happening a few hours ago! Remember all of those comments and interviews that were made regarding the Kaiser's visit to Rheinland, and do you also recall how I prognosticated incidents of drastic magnitude unfolding? Well, someone take my crystal ball away, because I was right on the credit: the Kaiser's transport was unfortunately attacked by a large group of Bundschuh fighters, followed by some kind of unholy matrimony between militant, seemingly recusant Gauls and Rheinlanders, and last but not least even the Gallic local terrorists gave the convoy the what-for right around the finish line. Talk about being hated... glad I'm not that guy. And you should be too, because some veritable witnesses at the Oerlikon Observatory claimed that the transports of the Daumann, Kruger and RGS top dogs were all blown into smithereens by this unprecedented attack. The Kaiser's ship, the Burghausen, received some significant damage along the way as well, with a Maquis suicide bomber that recklessly detonated itself on the Kaiser's ship right on the orbit of New Paris as a cherry on top. It's safe to say that the sole mobilization of the Kaiser from one point to another brought droves of Bundschuh rebels to be slaughtered among with countless others, as well as the millions, if not billions of credits wasted in property damage. RGS stock prices have reportedly plummeted by 21% in just a few hours, there were some pretty darn important people on that ship that seemingly kept the corporation up in the competition. Needless to say, condolences go to the families of those poor souls involved in this incident. And to any of you wise guys out there hankering to take a little souvenir home from the crash sites, you should probably reconsider, because Rheinland SAR operations are likely to be still on-going. And you don't wanna ruffle the feathers of those Rheinlanders who nearly got their most important political figure assassinated. Unless you want to be arrested for snooping around! Now that the heftier stuff is out of the way, let's pay attention to our local news. It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that synthoguitar rockstar Gaius Emmerick, known as "the Toothpick", has passed away at the age of 83 due to a prolonged coronary disease. He was a stoic bastion of the modern resurgence of synth rock music, as well as... oooh, a whole plethora of other genres from old Sol he boldly brought into the hearts and minds of us colonists. He was an inspiration to us all, and we'll never, ever forget you. Rest in peace, Hoss. Ah, here's a little word of warning from a minor shipping incident that happened on Manhattan. Now, you won't hear this on the news because Synth Foods has a HUGE damn finger in the pie that is today's stock market, but according to some LPI reports, about 33 synth paste dispensers and a few fast food restaurants have reportedly distributed the infamous Synth paste Batch PBX781, one that has caused a bit of a scare because it's causing some crippling dysentery to the poor people who were unfortunate enough to consume it hours before the LPI could recover all of the tubes from the downtown area of Lenox Hill. Locals were somewhat amused by seeing badges picking up wheelbarrows full of rotten synth paste. And to be honest, I'd be too. This goes without saying, but Synth Foods holds no responsibility over the consumer's health, and blah blah yadda yadda. It's probably all written behind the tube in those miniscule letters. Squint your eyes next time, folks. Think you're stronger than me? How about you try to Knock me Down, by RHCPS.