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[MiniKitty]

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My existence does not matter.

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I do not know what it is that draws me to Ames. The entire system is a nightmare. This idea of space weather sounds hilarious, but in reality, it is horrifying. Kristoff, Aspen and I almost died out here when we got lost. The Search & Rescue patrols really saved us back then. And yet... I cannot help but find this place fascinating. I guess that is what Madeleine meant when she told me about enjoying sitting indoors while a thunderstorm rages outside.

Not that the Kay is in any way comparable to a freighter or anything, but I figured I can stuff the cargo bay with some Synth Paste and haul it to Ames. I know they do not have a biodome and mostly rely on recycling waste to protein bars, so I guess a little bit of variety is appreciated. Although I am not sure whether what is used to make Synth Paste is actually better than, uhm, well, poop.

... It probably is.

They also have a bunch of plant trays here and there to grow fresh plants. I guess they also use poop to fertilize them? I usually avoid thinking about the circle of life and how food is made, but, uhm, I guess poop is an essential part of the cycle. Madeleine would be able to talk about this in her typical monotone voice with a professional attitude, using all kinds of strange words I never heard before to circumvent the word poop. Hanging out with her, or with Kristoff, too, makes me realize that I really missed out on years of education.

I remember how bad it was when I left Pittsburgh. Suddenly I was not surrounded by abusive kids and wardens, and instead by researchers, cyborgs, mercenaries, zombies, space fishes and self-titled heroes. Everyone flings complicated words around left and right. Except Yoshiko. She definitely uses a language I understand. It is good to know that there are people out there that are normal. Normal-ish. A shame people look down on people like me and her. Caliban insults her left and right whenever her name is brought up, despite her never having done anything bad. She makes a honest living.

It is simply unfair, really. These people do horrible things every day. Caliban, Renevant, Silverstone, and this Levinathan, probably, too. But, sure, Yoshiko is the disgusting one, right? She enjoys selling her body to make other people happy. And all these people have sold their souls and bodies to make everyone else miserable. There people are all fucked up hypo... hypo... hyposhits.



I just hope Kristoff is doing well. I think there is nothing I can do about his obsession with the Technomancy. The moment this Levinathan showed up, he was all eager and giddy and convinced that returning was a good idea, despite everything that had happened. He does not fit in that group at all. He is a gentle soul. The Technomancers are completely different. I simply do not see how his motivations match theirs at all. Does he still just do it because he wants their acknowledgement? I guess Levinathan is some kind of father figure to him. I guess that is something I cannot relate to at all. And he does not seem to desire my acknowledgement, either.

Whatever makes him happy.


I am sitting on a bench here, my legs pulled up, arms wrapped around them. Ames is a bit colder than the Kay. I can feel it in my face. My suit keeps me just warm enough, but I still notice it. Just like that, I gaze out of the window and watch the station shield keeping the dark matter storm away. I see the whirls and different shades of darkness forming all these random shapes. Somewhat mesmerizing.

Monique does not understand why I am enjoying stargazing this much. She needs her mind constantly occupied, be it with games or videos or music. I myself prefer watching her play instead of playing with her. Weird, really. Whenever she is bored, she searches desperately for something to do. I guess I profit from that, considering how often that something turns out to be me.

Madeleine on the other hand seems more like me when it comes to boredom. I do not know if she feels boredom, given her monotone attitude is super hard to read. I sometimes think she is just content with existing, knowing that nothing matters.

But me? I do not know boredom. It is a completely foreign feeling to me. By leaving Pittsburgh, infinite possibilities opened up for me. And with all this OSC money, I can do a lot more than the average person. Monique often complains about me wasting time by not wasting the money. I have almost no desires. I already have cool clothes, a gunboat, two girlfriends and a boyfriend. Stargazing makes me happy. Just thinking keeps me busy for days. I also do not need expensive food. Synth Gel is fine every now and then, but even that is not really that expensive.

Monique asked me to get some holotainment bands so we can try out some new things. I am not sure if I want that, but I guess it is worth a try. She always wants to try new things. Drugs, food, games, as if she was addicted to making new experiences.


And here I am, sitting in the eye of a storm, just staring at it. Rambling thoughts. That is all I have. My existence does not matter. Nothing matters. The Sentinels have not been around in months, so I guess I am fine? Relevant probably forgot about me, too, now that Levinathan is there. Good. The old cunt can die in a bonfire after all she did. Kristoff told me she was actually after me. First Rebecca, then Caliban, then her. Without firing a single shot, I pissed off people to the point where they want me dead. I guess a human life really means nothing to these people at all, if they try to solve everything with murder at the slightest disagreements.


Space is horrible. At least here at Ames, things seem to be calm.

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