Ruminations of a Survivor

[AuruemSaber]

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At a certain speed, there's a moment when the world around you blurs into insignificance. All that matters is what's directly ahead; the machine you command seems to defy gravity as it's pushed to its limits and the engine roars in a symphony of power that you could never match. And with it comes the feeling of true liberation.

That feeling is the most intoxicating vice there is.

It's a sensation you cannot replicate in space; it's reliant on gravity. Because it's gravity that gives the sensation such a liberating thrill. You and your machine fighting to cut through the aid ahead of you is what grounds the entire experience. The only problem is the very nature of gravity itself; what goes up must come down. The same thing applies to speed when gravity is in effect. At some point, one way or another, you stop.

The key is to take control and command yourself and your machine to a halt 'lest you both find yourself stopped via severely rapid deacceleration. It's a struggle to regain control when you're haunted by your own past. This is a truth I myself can attest to.

Today, I stopped. As I gaze out at the flickering lights of the floating city of Visalia, the body of the rented bike I sit atop is now pleasantly warm in contrast to the cool night air. The heat from the engine that had just been pushed to its limits radiating into the frame between my legs a welcome development as I remove my helmet and enjoy a smoke, free of the frustration haunting me for recent months.

And I bask in the tranquillity while it lasts; the remnants of the adrenaline flowing through my body has my mind far away from my own demons, instead running an instant replay of the intense ride I had just been on.

My only regret is the risk that was required to achieve this moment. And I now understand that I cannot do this again. This must be a one-time selfish indulgence; the thrill is not worth the risk of pain it might cause those who care for me, nor the insult to the fallen who were taken before their time.

But for now, it grants me invaluable moments. Moments I plan to cherish because I'm aware of the fact that I can't run from my demons forever.

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